Always bored at work

Employment Agencies

2008-02-07T14:49:00.000Z

Employment agencies are like the angel and the devil combined. They are like a dog with a bone when they get your details.

I woke up early today and emailed my CV to a number of agencies and already my mobile has turned into the Bat Phone. It's good, I know its good, because every call is a step closer to getting a new job... But it's the sell, sell, sell nature of the calls which makes me feel slightly uneasy. I guess that's what they are after all - Sales people. Unfortunately I just want to be gently eased into a nice new job, being sold one feels a little overly aggressive to me.

Anyway, the good news is that they like my CV. The bad news, if there is some, is that I am going to have to go and buy a suit because it looks like I am going to have quite a few interviews to go to!

I wish that the jobs were for a journalist / novelist / earth mother because then I might actually have some natural enthusiasm. As they are actually going to be for a well paid but corporate monkey I am going to have to work a bit on my attitude before I go to the interviews.

The joy of sickies

2008-02-07T14:43:00.000Z

I did not show up to work today all present and correct. In fact, I did not turn up for work today at all.

I could not face it.

I said that I had not been able to sleep last night for some reason, I had been tossing and turning all night, but must have eventually fallen asleep because I woke up this morning with a banging headache.

It's actually true...

...Although I had already decided, on the horrific walk of shame from my boss' boss' office back to my desk yesterday that I would not be showing my face at work today.

New Job

2008-02-07T09:50:00.000Z

Whichever way I look at it, I do need one. Unless of course I win £95 million on the Euro Millions Lottery tomorrow. I think I might, but just in case...

Disinterested

2008-02-07T09:26:00.000Z

Since being dragged into my boss' boss' office yesterday and finding myself being threatened with disciplinary action for discussing my salary with others (which I haven't) and being randomly accused of being "ageist" (which I wasn't, I clearly haven't mentioned anybody's age in my email) I have realised that I can no longer remain in my current position. It may seem like a rash decision, but I do not see that I have a choice. They told me that they would not be taking the issue to HR on this occasion and expected me to be grateful.

The problem is (other than being bullied and slandered), I spent the evening yesterday and the morning today trawling through Banking jobs in London websites and I could not be more disinterested if I tried. Reading the words "FX, Derivatives, Settlements, Reconciliations, Prestigious Financial Institution" makes me want to wake up find myself in a different kind of institution all together!

I am fed up making the rich richer.

"Reward and Recognition - A question and a complaint"

2008-02-02T15:44:00.000Z

That's what I called my email.

And this is what it said:

Mr. Pratt*,

I was going to request a meeting with you regarding my promotion/pay rise situation but I realise it will be a fruitless exercise. I do however feel the need to express my feeling of disappointment and distress at the position in which I have found myself.

Firstly, I was wondering whether you are able to provide me with some clarification on the criteria that must be met in order to achieve a promotion at this time of year?

To me (and others in the Account Bank team), it seems that I could have done all of the following and still would have been promoted:

Arrive at least five minutes late for work every day. Repeatedly not apologise for my tardiness.

Arrive late to team meetings, showing a great lack of respect for the rest of the team, simply because I have stopped off to get a coffee before hand.

Frequently send embarrassing and inaccurate emails to clients in 'pigeon' English which no one can understand - even those who are fully briefed on the subject to which the email refers.

Pepper my nonsensical emails with bank jargon which I, and the recipients, cannot understand as it is used out of context.

Listen to music on my ipod at my desk the moment the boss moves away from their desk and whenever they have the day off. Then ignore John when he asks me politely to remove my headphones.

Upset the rest of the team by speaking to them in a condescending and unnecessarily aggressive manner.

Fail to show an ability to follow the simplest of instructions.

Lack basic listening skills.

Diminish team morale by creating an uncomfortable atmosphere when asked to help out with something that is not directly covered in my new role.

Be moved into said new role because my payment processing skills were slow and inaccurate and moreover, because I was not a team player.

The list continues... As you can imagine, I clearly feel that when someone who ticks all of the boxes above is also promoted it wholly demeans and devalues everything that I have worked for and achieved myself.

I find it slightly unfortunate that I am unable to decline my 'promotion' at this time bearing in mind I have not received a "usual" level of remuneration. It is not even that I am not being adequately compensated - I am not being compensated at all... I cannot decline the promotion as I have already been performing the role for the past 5 months. Perhaps this is why the lack of pay rise is so difficult to accept.

My one relief is that Nigel* can no longer tell me two or three times a week that I am 'junior' to him - or indeed that he 'lets me do more work' than him because I am his junior and 'enjoy working through a big pile of work' while he does 'the tricky stuff' because he is more 'senior'. Of course this is nonsense as I have been performing every function that he has for the past 5 months (apart from booking deposits because I was not allowed the system). I am glad that he will no longer be able to use this well worn Junior vs. Senior excuse. That said, in the interest of fairness, I do now feel the need to acknowledge the notable increase in the effort he has shown since he returned from his latest bout of sickness.

This does not however soften the blow that I am now expected to work for another year on my entry level salary (current remunerations are perceived as relative to National inflation), which I accidentally found out yesterday was less than anybody else on the team - including those with far less work experience and far fewer educational qualifications. I think that this is a disgrace and I fail to see how it can be considered at all acceptable. I wonder from where I am now supposed to draw any enthusiasm. All suggestions would be gratefully received at this time.

Currently I feel disenchanted, deeply disappointed, dissatisfied and deflated. If I were able to neglect my responsibilities - start the day at 9am for example, finish at 5pm, take a full hour for lunch and do the absolute bare minimum in between, perhaps I could draw some solace from this. Unfortunately I am conscientious by nature and would find it difficult to behave in such a way. My only option, as far as I can see, is to take some time for reflection and contemplation before making any hasty or steadfast decisions about my future.

To sum up, I would like it known that I do not see any Reward or Recognition demonstrated in the promotions that were announced last week. Rather I see a negative message portrayed to those perhaps seeking promotions in the future and I envisage a damning impact on morale within the team as a result. I also do not believe that I have been rewarded in any sense of the word for my hard work and commitment over the past year. My unashamed disappointment makes it incredibly difficult for me to accept this.

Thank you for taking the time to read my concerns.

Amy

*Names have been changed to create anonymity - Or have they?

Time for an email I think

2008-02-02T15:28:00.000Z

After stewing over my situation for a few days, I decided that I had to send an email to my boss. I had to let him know what I thought about my promotion and my subsequent lack of pay rise. I felt that I had to let him know what I think about his poor management skills.

It was either that, or go a little stir crazy.

"Comp Day"

2008-02-02T14:27:00.000Z

Last Wednesday was what is affectionately known as "Comp Day" at work. It is that day that all promotions / pay rises / bonuses are dramatically unveiled.

I work for a bank, a pretty damn big bank. I think that I can say that without giving too much away. I will have been there for two years in May and this "Comp Day" was the day for my hard work and commitment to be recognised (with a promotion and a pay rise). I knew that the promotion was in the bag as I have been performing a role above my grade for the past 5 months. The excitement for me was to find out how much of a pay rise the promotion would lead to. I had already accepted that I would not be receiving a bonus.

However, my luck being my luck, when I was called into his office to be told what I was getting I was asked by my boss if I wanted the "good news" or the "slightly crappy news". I went for the slightly crappy news, already fully aware of what the supposed "good news" was.

"The good news" he said, despite my request for the slightly crappy news first, "is..." he continued. Then, before uttering another word, he slid a letter across the table towards me. "Congratulations!"

The letter said that I had been promoted to a Senior something or other. It ever so kindly thanked me for my commitment and said that they hoped that I would would continue to produce similarly impressive results in the year ahead.

I said "Oh", then thought about my reaction and thanked my boss.

"Now here's the slightly crappy news" he continued.

Across came another piece of paper. This time minus the eye contact. The paper detailed my old salary, had a blank space for my new salary and a blank space for my bonus. I looked at it, in shock looked at it again. Fought the sudden need to swear at him or kick him in the face. And looked at my boss. Silence.

"I know" he said.

Of course he knows. He's the one who decides who gets what. And he is the one who decided that I would get nothing. Of course he bloody well knows!

"You got the promotion and that's the most important thing" he blurted out, quickly making things a million times worse, and increasing my blood pressure ten fold.

He gave me the obvious spiel about there being a 'big pot'. The pot however, can only contain a certain amount of money. The money can only be shared out to a certain number of people. As my eyebrows raised and couldn't possibly raise any higher, I imagined pushing my boss backwards on his black wheelie chair with both my feet and all my rage, out the window and watching him fall 21 floors into the fountains below. Me waving as he fell, smiling and thanking him for all the wonderful opportunities he had offered me.

As I picked up my letters, very ready to leave, he dared tell me that the reason my salary will not be changing is because of the 'current state of the market' and said that all banks are in the same position at the moment. I couldn't have looked any more disinterested if I had tried. I thanked him (disappointed by my politeness) and I left.

To bring you up to date...

2008-02-02T14:21:00.000Z

...as it has been a while. I no longer go to work and get paid to do nothing. I now go to work, am absurdly overworked (believe it or not), and my new bug bare is that I don't get paid enough.

This is so much worse than going to work and getting paid to do nothing.

We waved goodbye to one monster and another one raised her ugly head.

2007-06-30T16:22:00.000Z

Last Thursday should have been a joyous occasion. It was officially the Bully's last day. Unfortunately she's not gone far - just a few floors lower, but at least I'll not have to listen to her incessant whining any longer.

It was great. She invited the whole floor (that's about 200 people, probably more - it's amazing how many battery hens you can fit into a single barn) to her leaving do's. Both of them. Pub at lunch and then pub after work to 'carry on drinking'. I've not exactly had a dilemma as to whether or not to go. I simply knew that I wouldn't be. Everyone else knew that I wouldn't be too. It's not a secret that the Bully made my life hell - although I am by far not the only person she chose to speak to like a child/animal/retard* depending on her mood. I am however, quite possibly the only person to openly express my distaste in being treated in such a way. When asked whether I would be going by my supervisor who had no choice but to go by way of the unspoken rules of 'playing the game', and who was attempting to black mail me into going by making me feel sorry for the Bully who perhaps would feel embarrassed when no one turned up, and when that failed, tried to make me feel sorry for her because she had to to go, I replied, loudly:

"I didn't intend on going, no"

(Which I thought was a fairly concise answer)

"Don't you feel bad that no one is going?" (She tried again in vain)

"No, not really" I said, slightly showing off now, as I knew that I had an audience and I knew that I was about to jump up on my soap box. "She has been really quite mean to me in the year that I have been on this desk" I continued "and really, if she hadn't behaved like such a monster she wouldn't be in this situation. If she hadn't been such a beast..."

Everyone around was trying to stifle their laughter as I carried on in a similar vein...

So anyway. The big day arrived and she went to the pub at lunch. I have no idea if anyone turned up at all, but I do know that no one from my team went (which is the team she has worked on for the past seven years). Instead, I went to the canteen and read my book for an hour. For the evening do the turn out was... I can't even bring myself to say it (because, believe it or not, totally against my better judgment I do feel a bit bad)... Four people! Four people went to the Bully's leaving do and one of those was the Bully herself!!!

Also, and this is funny. Our manager, the big boss, had asked her in advance what she would like as a leaving present. I think he knew that the task would fall on him as he has known her the longest (and is the only one who, somehow, is blind to her true hideousness). Rather than having to traipse around looking for something meaningful/funny/quirky he decided it easier and quicker to let her chose her present herself. Not cheaper unfortunately, as she chose an £80 pen. He obviously briefly did the sums in his head (1 card x 200 people x even just a £1 donation each = plenty of money for an £80 pen) so he went ahead and ordered it. The problem was, once he got the card back and counted up the bounty it had collected on it's rounds, the pot only added up to a grand total of £19! He had bought the pen out of his own money in advance and now found himself £60 out of pocket!

After he had checked and double checked the envelope (I guess to make sure there weren't a few £10 notes stuck in there, wedged into the corner) I honestly thought that he was going to explode. His face went red, his brow started sweating, he started swearing... We started laughing. And then he went around the entire floor again - Had you put money in? Yes? How much? Do you want to put some more in? No?? How very dare you, now put some money in! I don't know if he managed to bridge the difference at all, but I very much doubt it. Unfortunately I have no sympathy. He has managed to overlook the fact that six people that I know of have explicitly mentioned the Bully as their reason for leaving in the exit interviews, because they simply couldn't deal with her anymore. He chose not to see her vicious, petty, embarrassing and vulgar behavior, so he could deal with the consequences. There was a wave of hushed - 'oh well, what goes around comes around' and 'if she had been a nicer person it would have been reflected in the collection' that flew around the office... Not much comfort for the boss, but plenty of joy in it for me!

I know I probably sound really bitter and twisted in my behavior towards the Bully, and that's probably because I hate her. I could be having a perfectly pleasant day and with one sly move, one loud condescending rant - loud enough of course, for everyone else to hear so that not only did I have to somehow deal with being treated like a five year old, but I had to also deal with the small problem of public humiliation. It almost became a ritual public humiliation. 'Oh look, Amy seems to be having an average, ok day - time to suck that out of her and cast a dose of public shame upon her instead'.

I thought that that would have come to an end now that she had left in a blaze of, urm, glory.

Unfortunately not so...

...Because my supervisor, aka The Bitch, said to me yesterday (shouting across a couple of desks of course) "I think that this is wrong Amy" (referring to something I must have undoubtedly done wrong on purpose because I derive great satisfaction out of getting things wrong don't you know. I do it for kicks even. Yep, yep, yep, I'll do it wrong for the heck of it, what the hell...) "Did I?" I replied "I thought that that was how you are supposed to do it"... I said honestly. I turned and looked at her "Well It's Not, Is It Amy, It's Wrong" she said. And it's not just what she said, and not just how she said it, but it was the smug look on her patronising, smiling face. It was the Bully all over again.

Don't you just love work?

*Couldn't think of any other word, apologies for any offense caused. None intended.

I'm back!

2007-05-08T19:41:00.000Z

I feel that that statement was in need of an exclamation mark, although I don't think that being back here, moaning about my job is necessarily something I should be excited about...

I hate my job.

Really hate it.

I felt sick this morning because I didn't want to go but knew that I had to... It's a very unpleasant feeling in One's gut in case you have managed somehow never to have experienced it.

'Are you bored there?' I hear you ask. The answer would be a short but resounding yes. But now I find I have grown bored of the monotony of the constant, overbearing and demanding workload, rather than because of a lack of a workload altogether!

It's not the boredom thing this time though, that has made this job quite so unbearable for me. I now have infinitely more painful things to deal with, far more depressing than not having anything to do all day. Namely, these problems are... My colleagues.

The 'things' of nightmares.

May I introduce you to the people that I have the utmost displeasure of spending up to eleven constant hours a day with, for five long days a week*.

There is (in alphabetical order to show no favouritism):

The Bully

The Bitch

The Snake

The Complete Pratt

The Teenage Oracle

These names may not seem particularly imaginative upon first sight, but as you will soon come to realise, they are perfectly matched to their owners.

I have a distinct feeling you will get to know these people incredibly well in the days and weeks to come...

*that is a LOT of hours, especially considering that I am only paid for 7 of them per day.

The End...

2006-04-17T19:27:00.000Z

...Or is it the beginning?

I have a good job now. Very busy, well paid, not at all boring (I hope i'm not tempting fate here), and it even has a few handsome looking prospects (one, two, three, oooohhhh)! Unfortunately that means that I have no time for writing at work anymore (boo), and I can no longer say I get paid to do nothing, so I fear the time has come to put this blog to bed. That's ok though, it only reminds me of the dark days anyway... (Kidding)

All is not lost though, as I now have a new blog so that I can continue writing from home. I have a new lap top (very swanky), some funny stories banked (they make me laugh) and I am ready to go!

Be sure to have a look some time, i'm at www.and-then-this-happened.blogspot.com and i'm looking forward to sharing my woes and joys (most probably in that order!)

A Grand Plan. A Plan of Action...

2006-03-10T16:14:00.000Z

...that's what I need now.

Or a plan B...

...Or to win the national Lottery - that could be my 'plan B' That reminds me, it's a double roll over this weekend so I must buy a ticket!

Then I could start up my own company and work my long little fingers to the bones. I'll be damned if i'm going to pay myself to be to be bored all day at work that's for sure!

And as you can also probably guess...

2006-03-10T14:23:00.000Z

...I am feeling slightly down hearted with regards to the whole work thing.

When I went to the interview for my wonderful new job I was 100% honest about why I was leaving my old job (ie, terminal boredom) and what I was looking for in a new role (a challenge) so I really, really, REALLY don't know why she hired me - concidering the actual workload of the position in which I unwittingly found myself was non-existant.

The first week, the official excuse for my lack of work was that no one knew that I had started.

The official excuse of the second week was that my new team were bunking off as it was half term and they wanted to be with their children.

The official excuse of the third week was... Well, there wasn't one. They didn't even bother making one up! That was the week when when all the fake work came trickling in. I started being asked to do totally pointless tasks - tasks which I knew were beneficial to no one and would never have an eye cast upon them again once I had completed them. Reports and such like, gathering pointless information. I could have been gathering information about cowboys and indians or compiling a list of most popular large zoo animals for all they knew because of course my reports and statistics would never actually be looked at!

One quite sunny day I decided that I would be strong, hang in there and give it a go. Just sit quitely for a while and see if it picked up. I thought that I could do that seeing as was being paid good money to sit and wait.

However... After an unbareably long day, and another WHOLE NINE HOURS of waiting for something to do I completely changed my mind and decided that I couldn't cope!

That was it.

My mind was definitely made up this time.

I told them I was leaving and it felt great!

As you can probably guess...

2006-03-10T14:19:00.000Z

...My new job was rubbish.

Rubbish, rubbish, rubbish.

So rubbish in fact that I have left.

Already.

I just couldn't cope with doing nothing AGAIN for nine hours a day, even though I was actually being paid more to do nothing than I was before...

Going round and round in circles?

2006-03-10T14:18:00.000Z

...feels like it!

New beginnings?

2006-03-10T14:17:00.001Z

Not that you'd know it...

Fresh Start?

2006-03-10T14:17:00.000Z

Not really...

One month and ten days has passed since I left my old boring job. What's happened since then?

2006-03-10T14:15:00.000Z

Good question!...

Leaving email

2006-01-27T12:11:00.000Z

I've just been cc'd in an email sent by Tim letting everyone know that I am off today, advising them to send me a farewell email before it's too late - such a cheeky fiend!

I was really hoping to slip out quietly today. That doesn't look like it is going to happen now! Ah well, it'll be nice to say goodbye to the nice people that work here and good riddance to those of a slightly more sinister nature!

I have a well rehearsed leaving speech but I think i'll keep that to myself now that that time is actually here to share it...*

So long, farewell, good bye (and all that jazz). It's been fun.

*I'm chicken. All talk and no action, that's me!

Last day (maybe)

2006-01-27T12:03:00.000Z

My official last day is next Tuesday.

I think I'm going to make my actual last day today.

I've taught all that needs to be taught. It's truly hideous sitting here doing nothing with someone else who is also sitting here doing nothing...

...And it feels great knowing that I may not be coming back so... I think I may as well as I have nothing to loose!

The word seems to have spread like wild fire that it's my last day today - even though I was trying to keep it quiet. It's a good thing because it means that I can properly say goodbye to those I want to say good bye to, and I won't just be slinking off. It also means I will have a proper end to this weird chapter of my life that has been characterised by my being 'always bored at work'!

Oh. Dear. Lord.

2006-01-20T14:11:00.000Z

What have I done that is so bad I deserve this?...

It has been decided that although I do not leave until the 31st of January, the new girl should start on Monday which means...

...I can't bring myself to say it...

...I have to do a SEVEN day handover!

This cannot be right.

When I started I had a two hour hand over and that was an ample amount of time.

We are going to end up ripping eachother's hair out. We can't both sit here for eight hours a day surfing the net together. We can't both just sit here doing nothing all day side by side. It's going to be horrible and awkward and I bet she will hate it so much she won't even make it through until Wednesday. I'd even put money on it (if I had any that is!)

Horrible, horrible, horrible.

What a joke.

The New Receptionist

2006-01-20T13:56:00.001Z

Yesterday a lady came in to the office and asked for [the lady that's not my boss but kind of watches over me]. I said that she was in a meeting but should be out soon. That was at 2:05pm, her appointment was at 2:30pm.

2:30pm came and went and she waited, and waited and waited.

As it is now common knowledge that I am leaving, someone came to my desk to get the goss on why I'm going and when my last day is etc. Then the girl waiting in reception enquired as to whether this was my proper job or not. I told her that yes it was, but I had handed my notice in and would be 'outta here' in a week and a bit. Probably a tad unprofessional, but to be honest I'm way past caring. Anyway, as the time approached 3pm with still no sign of Niffy* we were in full flow having a really good chat. I was explaining exactly why I was wanting to move on, what I was looking for and what this 'job' lacks...

3:15pm and the visitor decided to tell me that she was actually here to be interviewed for my position.

Oops.

I didn't bother to back peddle too much, as she seemed really nice and I didn't want her to find herself in such a horrible, depressing role. As I got to know her a bit better though, I realized that she may actually be prefect for the role. She is traveling so isn't looking for any kind of responsibility or progression. She just wants to earn good money so she can see Europe at the weekends. Perfect! I told her so also and she seemed pretty keen.

Niffy* finally came out of her meeting at 3:40pm, she didn't seem to keen that me and the new girl seemed so pally, but it looks like the sucker who's job it will be to replace me has been recruited!

*The name of the lady who isn't my boss but kind of watches over me has been changed. Although I almost feel it is time to name and shame the evil dictator!

So busy

2006-01-20T13:51:00.000Z

I can't understand it, since i've handed my notice in i've been really busy.

I can't imagine what it is that I am doing, but I don't seem to have had a moment to myself. I know that I was bored doing nothing, and that was my main reason for wanting to leave, but i've gotten quite used to it over the past six months and all this running around is starting to get on my nerves!

And here's my resignation letter..

2006-01-10T15:01:00.000Z

(I was asked to offer an explanation, otherwise it would have been a single line saying i was off!)
-----
Dear Ian,

Kindly be advised that I wish to offer my resignation as of today (10/01/06). I would very much appreciate it if my last day could be set for Tuesday 31st January 2006.

I would like to offer a brief explanation of the circumstances which have led to my decision. These may help you when filling the position (or a position of a similar nature) in the future.

When I came for the interview, although the job title given was ‘Receptionist’ and I was told that I would be based on the front desk, I was advised that the role would be far more diverse than a simple reception role. I was led to believe that I would be more involved in the day to day running of the office (in all manner of ways), would be more involved in the PA side of things and most importantly, that it would be a busy and varied role. Unfortunately for me this has not been the case.

The reception at [the office] is incredibly quiet. I often go a whole day with nothing to do. I am not allowed to accept work from any of the PAs or other staff, so regularly find myself sitting around idly. Quite simply, this position is not suitable for someone of my age, at this stage of their ‘career’ (as it were) as it offers very little. There is nothing to learn and there is very little one can contribute.

I originally signed a 6 month contract and, by working to the end of January, I will have duly honoured that contract. I do not feel that I can continue working in this position any longer than that because I am in desperate need of a challenge. I am looking for a role in a busy working environment, for a position which holds some level of responsibility, that has a view to progression and, looking to the future, I need a role that has a positive influence on my career. Unfortunately my current position fulfils none of the aspects that I am searching for, hence my wanting to leave.

I hope that this explanation, although brief, is sufficient. If you require any further information with regards to my decision I will be happy to elaborate.

With Kind Regards,

Amy Knight

I've done it!...

2006-01-10T14:57:00.000Z

...I've handed my notice in!

I feel great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

*(Definitely in need of excessive exclamations!!!!)

Bird Flu Spreads

2006-01-09T16:18:00.000Z

I was just browsing the BBC News website (for the nth time today) and noticed that one of the main stories is "Bird Flu spreads in Turkey".

For a moment I wondered did it mean turkey the bird, or Turkey the country?

Then I thought "How apt for a country that shares it's name with a bird to have bird flu.." (I may be making myself sound somewhat politically incorrect here by talking about such a subject in such a frivolous way, but I mean no harm, honest. It's just the way my brain works!)

My train of thought moved swiftly on to "I wonder if there are any other countries that share their name with birds?"

I now endeavor to find out. Should keep me occupied until 5pm at least!

London Underground Strike

2006-01-09T10:24:00.000Z

Last thing on Friday afternoon this email was sent out to everyone based in London who works for [the company]:

"There are reports that workers at London Underground may be on strike beginning from 18:30 on Sunday and all day Monday.
Please call the UK Employee Incident Information Line at: [telephone number] for an update about whether the strike is on, before you head to work on Monday morning.
If the strike takes place and you can make your way to work, please do so. If you are unable to get to the office, please plan to work from home."

Unfortunately for me I get the overground trains to work - otherwise I could have been surfing the net from home today!

With the New Year does not come change

2006-01-04T15:47:00.000Z

Allen: "Happy New Year Kim, it's lovely to see you back!"

Me: "Ah thanks, same to you..."

Fool.

And so it begins...

2006-01-04T15:20:00.000Z

...It is a new year, yet things seem strangely similar.

It's slightly grim today, but a number of people are still not back from Christmas so at least it's nice and quiet and could certainly be worse.

I have contacted a number of recruitment agencies since I have been back (I blitzed them yesterday) and a couple already want me to pop in to talk about what I am looking for. My answer at the moment is easy, "anything, really, so long as it's not reception!" I think by the end of this week I should have a good number of appointments set up - here's hoping anyway.

In this current, lovely office though, the Christmas tree has been taken and the cards are gone, so the last remaining reminder that we have had a Christmas break has disappeared. The only distinguishing change is that we now have to write 2006 on our letters instead of 2005... Although this doesn't exactly effect me directly - seeing as I don't ever send any!

I have a great book in my bag - one which my brother got me for Christmas, and I'm desperate to get it out to read another chapter or so. I tried to read it in the kitchen at lunch today. I thought I was over my phobia of spending my hour in there, I had to - particularly now that it is so cold, but I was constantly interrupted my people enquiring about how I spent my Christmas and New Year. Nice of them to ask I suppose, but they don't really want to know so I don't know why they bother.. And I don't really want to tell them so I don't know why I bother either. I could have just made a sign and held it up every time I heard footsteps coming my way:

"Christmas was nice thanks,
New Years was lovely,
It's a bit depressing being back at work isn't it?"

I could even draw on a strained smile like the one I was forced to wear for the hour I was in there...

Anyway, I'm sure you'll be glad to know that everyone here seemed to have a nice break... I'm sure I was glad - for the first ten people at least!

PS

2005-12-23T10:51:00.000Z

I forgot to say... I got the guilts yesterday, chickened out of leaving early and left at 5pm instead!

Last Day!

2005-12-23T10:36:00.000Z

Finally, it's my last day of work before Christmas! I've been counting down for about two months now, so it should come as no surprise that it has taken ages to arrive!

However, it has arrived and in... 1 hour and 14 minutes I can go home!

Actually, more like one hour as there are only four people here - plus me. Not much reason to hang around.

I am just going to check for any post that may need franking (there won't be any), tidy up my desk (it's tidy) and then make my move I think! It's not like any visitors are going to come today, so I don't really need to be here to answer the door if it rings. There is no post. There are no meetings. There isn't even the slimmest chance of there being anything that I need to be around to do!

***

Ha ha, just as I finished writing that sentence the doorbell rang... A delivery.

And again! A maintenance man!

Anyway, as I am going to start shutting my computer down in the next twenty minutes in preparation for my long awaited departure (eeek, I'm excited!) I may not have another chance to say Happy Christmas! Eat, Drink and be very merry - it's the time of year for it after all! If there happens to be someone living nearby who may be having a Christmas alone this year invite them round for lunch or drop them a little card and a box of chocolates - it'll make their day (and you'll feel great for it too)!

This is Saint Amy aka Kim, signing out for Christmas.

4:53pm

2005-12-22T15:36:00.000Z

There's a train that leaves at 4:53pm, if I leave work at 4:40pm I will catch it.

Shall I get it?

Humm...

Well...

Yeah! Definitely!

I hour to go then, woo hooo!

The Christmas music is playing...

2005-12-22T15:13:00.000Z

...and the time is passing nicely. I have done nothing today (of course, no change there then) but I only have 1 hour and 35 minutes to go... Not bad at all for a Thursday!

I am actually going to have a look at the train times on t'internet in a minute. I am going to see if there will be any trains waiting for me at the station if I leave at 4:45pm today. May as well I think, seeing as I can!

I've printed off 10 copies of my CV which is ok for now. I am starting to stock pile them in preperation for my new job onslaught in the new year. The more I send out the more chance I have of getting one - that conforms to the law of averages doesn't it? I think so. Anyway, it's an early step in the right direction to gaining new employment in the new year - I can't be doing nothing for ever.

----------

Everyone seems to have gone for Christmas already. Finance went to the pub at lunch and haven't returned so i'm guessing they wont be. It's basically just me, Beryl (Jenny), Loopy Loo (Tania) and Nutty (Laura) left. Not much point in me being here... But there never really is though of course. Would anyone know if I nipped off at 15:22? Probably not! Would anyone care? Doubt it. Am I too scared to risk it? Totally!

PS

2005-12-22T14:15:00.000Z

I have received three Christmas cards addressed to Kim or Kimy today!

It seems everyone thinks my unfortunate predicament is funny...

Told off

2005-12-22T14:11:00.000Z

Loopy Loo just called me from Beryl's desk to tell me how rude I am to accept a glass of champagne from Pingu and to drink it at my desk alone.

I told her that I can't muck about as I have much important work to do (didn't know I was on speaker phone) and heard everyone around the corner laughing, shouting 'Kimy's lying'!

Pingu's champagne

2005-12-22T14:07:00.000Z

Pingu (the penguin) just brought me a lovely glass of champagne. I wish I could be bothered to explain that sentance - but I can't!

Suffice to say that I am very happy with my glass of champagne and thank Pingu very much for bringing it to me on this fine (nearly Christmas) day!

Am I selfish?

2005-12-22T13:46:00.000Z

I just gave the cleaner £1 and I'm really regretting it. Does that make me selfish?

I know it was only a pound, but now I can't get any mini chocolate chip cookies to help me through the afternoon... I wish I hadn't given it to her.

I'm a bad person. A bad person who is down by £1...

Nearly in the two o'clocks...

2005-12-22T13:43:00.000Z

...And today is starting to drag.

I think I may have been slightly too optimistic and upbeat earlier.

Bizarrely good mood

2005-12-22T11:30:00.000Z

I am at work.

I am in a good mood.

How bizarre!

9 hours until Christmas break!

2005-12-22T11:12:00.000Z

I only have nine work hours left until I finish for Christmas! When I finish for Christmas I have a whole ten days off... I'm so happy about that!

Today has actually been ok - there's not many people here so it's quite relaxed... And of the people who are here, no one really minds what I am up to. So if I had something to be up to (work-wise or otherwise) I could be up to it without anyone raising an eyebrow!

So, my task for today is to update and print a large quantity of my CV. I've pretty much got it up to date already, (making this job look as interesting and challenging as possible), so it's just a matter of making it look great and printing out as many as my printer will allow before it packs up again!

Of course another good thing about today is that I know will be out the door at 5pm on the dot! Tomorrow the office closes at 12pm (hence why I have so few hours left to hellishly endure) but if it's empty I'll be leaving as soon as I arrive!

So far I have done nothing in the 3 hours that I have been here, but it has somehow gone quite quickly all the same. I think that this is a good sign! Allen is away so I don't have to deal with him, the lady who isn't my boss but kind of watches over me is off, so I don't need to worry about her either... Her jobs-worth helper (who grates me immensely) is off too... So generally I'd say it's a pretty good day!

Yep, I'd actually go as far as to say that it's ok!

Wrapping frenzy

2005-12-21T10:41:00.000Z

I wrapped 79 presents here yesterday and everyone is going to be so disappointed when they open them because they are... wait for it... [company] branded paperweights!

The unfortunate thing (apart from them being rubbish paperweights which are actually the wrong shape to be effective at holding down paper) is that the size and shape (when wrapped) looks like a lovely box of Belgium chocolates! he he

17:03...

2005-12-19T17:01:00.000Z

...and nearly time to go home!

Honest emails

2005-12-19T14:22:00.000Z

I had some emails from my new boss this morning, but they were just the pleasantries so I managed to keep the communication short.

Now he just sent me another one which read:

"Hiya, Your new photo's front is on it's way up, ermmmmmmmmmm nice photo...... had you been out the night before ??? How's your day ?"

To which I replied:

"That's not at all funny! I'm particularly un-photogenic and particularly unhappy about that fact! You should have seen the one that was taken first...

I'm actually quietly pleased with the one I've got - on my last [company] pass my head was MASSIVE!

I've been rushed off my feet today (lies), it's been fun and is going well (lies), the morning has just flown (I'm lying) and I'm glad it's only Monday (that's not true either!). Apart from that, it's fine I suppose...

Amy"

I wonder if I should be so honest with my new boss? Humm...

Paranoia

2005-12-16T13:45:00.000Z

Since I passed comment about my boss being an email pest he hasn't sent me any.

Not one.

I'm glad - but I'm also beginning to feel slightly paranoid...

So it's Friday again...

2005-12-16T13:42:00.000Z

...And it's nearly two o'clock so things could be worse.

The wrong Kim

2005-12-15T15:34:00.000Z

Tania just came bounding over to me from her desk...

"Kimmy, is this card from you? You spelt my name wrong - but thank you so much it's lovely!"

I looked at her blankly. Half asleep, I didn't know what she was on about.

"It's not from you?" she asked, visibly confused.

"Nope" I said, still not totally sure what she was talking about.

"But it says 'from Kim' on it"

"Yeah?" I said.

"Oooooh, it's from Kim" she realised.

"Yes, Kim" I said "and that's not me, remember?".

Made me laugh!

Coconut milk

2005-12-15T15:18:00.000Z

I decided, while eating my dinner last night, that my task for the day would be to research how coconut milk can be used as a substitute for a blood transfusion. It was the by product of a random conversation - I think.

I've Googled it and I can see references to it, but I can't see any sites that want to give me the full low down and I'm starting to get a bit frustrated. I know that I don't exactly have anything better to be doing, but I had wanted to see some fascinating facts and I don't appear to be able to find any. I have seen how to actually do a coconut milk tranfusion (although they call it coconut 'water' and that it comes from the 'meat' so I'm slightly dubious as to whether we are talking about the same thing...) Anyway, you place the tube in the coconut 'eye' (they have eyes apparently) and feed it into the injured person's arm... Clever, but I wouldn't necessarily recommend it.

Now I'm torn, more researching of coconut milk, or looking at something else that is possibly more useful. I definitely can't read any more news because that is all I did this morning. BBC News, Sky News, The Times, The Guardian, BBC News, Sky News, The Times, The Guardian, BBC News Sky News, The Times, The Guardian...

Well, nearly wasted 15 minutes writing this... That's something I suppose.

Late lunch

2005-12-15T15:13:00.000Z

I took a late lunch today so I have only just come back. I'm leaving at 5pm today (because I don't really feel like staying until 5:30pm) which means I only have one hour and forty-five minutes left! Woo hoo!

Comments

2005-12-15T15:11:00.000Z

If you haven't had a look at the comments on "The lift is stuck..." have a look . They're funny - even if I do say so myself!

Christmas Party Animals

2005-12-15T12:44:00.000Z

I forgot to say... It was the Christmas party last night.

I didn't go.

When asked why I replied "oh, because I don't really like anyone here!"

My honesty was well received though, because I was telling one of the few people that I do actually like!

Anyway, kick off was at 7:30pm and a whole gaggle of ladies felt the need to leave the office at 3:30pm to go and get their hair done together. True.

On their way out the door one of the ladies described her outfit to the others:

"I'm wearing my silk trousers and a slinky sparkly top".

Silk trousers for a roller disco? Clever choice.

By all accounts it was a pretty sober affair. I've heard a few whisperings and have had a couple of people hanging around my desk hinting in my direction, attempting to prompt me to ask delving questions - which I haven't because I really don't care what happened, when, where, or who did what to who (or should that be who did what to whom?). No broken bones from the drunken rollerskating. Not even any minor injuries....

Silk trousers still in tact as far as latest reports suggest.

Another day...

2005-12-15T09:05:00.000Z

...Another present! Yay!

Can't be bothered

2005-12-14T14:50:00.000Z

I can't be bothered to do nothing for the next two and a half hours.

Although it may sound strange, doing nothing is actually incredibly tiring.

Being restricted to bed rest must be knackering! Probably more fun though...

The lift is stuck...

2005-12-14T11:31:00.000Z

...And I can tell that the person in there is panicking because I can hear the alarm bell. It started off as a quick ring, was then being held down for slightly longer, and now it's ringing for at least 20 seconds at a time!

That's what I would be like.

By the time I was rescued, if still conscious, I would be in floods of tears and would probably have wet myself...

I'm very afraid of getting stuck in a lift.

I think I suffer from mild claustrophobia - but it turns extreme pretty quickly!

Too many emails

2005-12-14T11:22:00.000Z

Before I met this brand new boss of mine I thought that he sent too many emails.

Now I know he does and it's really starting to get on my nerves.

The other day, I thought all his stupid questions were just a bid to get to know me, and I played along.

Now I don't know what the point of all these emails are... But I really feel like saying "don't you have any work you should be doing?!" although I guess this wouldn't have much impact coming from me!

Today he's tried to draw me into an email conversation. I've sarcastically replied eight times now but I purposely haven't asked him any questions so that he doesn't have to reply, and yet he has. Over and over again... Grrrrrr...

I would like him to leave me alone now!

Pleeeeeaaaasssseeeeee!

I think I am already starting to prefer my old boss whom I never saw or heard from!!

For now I will take it that he is just being friendly and I'll quietly hope and pray that the emails stop...

I really hope it does stop or I'll have a new thing to moan about... Allen and the bare basics of this job have enough moaning potential for anyone, a new moaning subject is definitely not called for!

New boss verdict?

2005-12-14T10:27:00.000Z

I'm not sure.

My new boss is a 'regular nice guy'. He seemed very up beat and wanted to have a laugh and a joke... Some of which weren't at all funny, but he was trying at least and that didn't go un-noticed!

Luckily for me, he knows quite a few people who work in this office as he has worked in various locations for this great company. I say 'luckily', because it meant that he knew who all the 'tricky' (to put it nicely) people were. He seemed to hate them all for one reason of another, making comments about them that I probably shouldn't repeat! It made me laugh actually, because it just goes to show that those kind of people never change!

So, here is a summary of (what can only loosely be termed) the 'meeting':

1) We discussed, and agreed, on the people that we hate.

2) I told him about the man that shouted at me and he said he needs to discipline him anyway so asked me to put all the facts in writing to him. I haven't started constructing that email yet, but when it's completed it's sure to be a masterpiece!

3) I confessed that I don't do anything at work... Ever!

He laughed.

It took about an hour to get through just that, I don't think that anything was achieved, but it somehow seemed quite constructive - which is odd!

In an attempt to convey an air of professionalism, he was talking about how he would like to introduce an automated booking system for the meeting rooms that we have here...

...Then he realised that if he took that away from me I really would have nothing to do, so he decided that it would be best if we stuck to the manual way instead! I did tell him that I just leave the book open on my desk and allow everyone to book the meetings themselves as I have lost the will to do anything anymore - and filling the book in myself now seems like an inconvenience... But he said that despite that, it does atleast give the impression that I do something uselful!!

He also said that he had seen my CV and could not understand why I am doing this job. Which is strangely nice to hear.

Why am I doing this job again?

At least I won't have to feel bad when I hand my notice in next month. Seems like my new boss understands where I am coming from, so I'm quite happy about that...

Final verdict? Seems ok.

Pass the parcel

2005-12-14T10:09:00.000Z

I have successfully passed my unwanted present on and the cleaner is very happy with her new diary and calendar!

Christmas presents I forgot to mention...

2005-12-14T09:04:00.000Z

I have also been given a diary and calendar...

...But they are horribly branded and have a 'motivational work ethic' or 'phrase of wisdom' at the bottom of each page.

I am going to try and give them away.

(If I can't I will have to bin them, but for some reason I quite feel bad about that!)

Christmas presents

2005-12-14T09:02:00.000Z

I'm doing ok this year so far...

Monday = Wine and chocolates

Tuesday = Box of chocolates

Wednesday (so far, it's only 9:05) = Big box of chocolates

This may be a rubbish place to work but they sure are generous with their Christmas confectionery!

Right in the middle...

2005-12-14T08:33:00.000Z

Just my luck.

Yesterday afternoon at about quarter past four, with still no sign of my new boss, I started writing the following post.

Title: Sicky feeling.

Post: I am actually so bored I am starting to feel sick.

Because I was, and I did.

Unfortunately, before I got to publish it I heard loud (jovial) talking just outside the door - one voice I recognised well and one that I didn't. The one that I instantly recognised was the lady that did this 'job' before me, she's nice and generally a bit loud... The voice that I didn't recognise was my new boss! As they walked through the door I was clicking furiously to get rid of what was on my screen while looking at them, smiling, trying to converse and pretending to give them my full attention! It didn't work, because every time I tried to close the window I was given a second chance of whether I was sure, whether I was sure I was sure, that I wanted to close without saving... I kept clicking no (because I wasn't reading it properly) while the incriminating evidence remained like a beacon on the screen!

Needless to say, by the time I had managed to get it back onto BBC News (far more suitable I thought) I was mighty flustered!

I think I got away with it though...

Just!

Getting together with my new boss went well (more of that in a moment), but I nearly got caught for a second time when he thought he was doing the decent thing by showing me how to clear my internet history. Why? Am I really that unlucky? He came over to my desk and started tinkering on my PC. Nervous, obviously, I told him over and over that I knew how to do it already (because I do, now that one of the PA's happened upon my blog and advised me it would be a wise thing to do!) - but he kept on regardless. I was sitting here, full of dread, thinking 'all he has to do is look at the last page I was on and I will be well and truly busted'. At least there were no disparaging comments about him on there I suppose, although I still don't think that it would have made a very good first impression!

Anyway, i'm sure you'll be glad to hear he didn't look at what I had been doing with my afternoon (or every afternoon for that matter) and I got away with it!

Ha!

New boss update

2005-12-13T13:35:00.000Z

It's gone half past one and my new boss has still not materialised...

Perhaps he is going to be as non-existent as the one he has just replaced!

Suits me.

New Boss

2005-12-13T09:41:00.000Z

My new boss is coming to meet me this morning.

That'll be nice!

Tania's back!

2005-12-12T14:50:00.000Z

Tania's back, yippie!!! (Three exclamation marks are definitely required here!)

Although she sits around the corner so I don't see her much, Tania has returned from her back packing jaunt to Asia (she's been away for a month) and this little addition to my day really makes all the difference... Partly because she makes me laugh, and partly because I can talk to her about the whole Kim thing. She understands and she finds it funny!

She was standing at my desk this morning, asking me questions, making sure that she said 'Amy' loudly at the end of each one. She was conducting this little exercise because Allen's door was wide open and she was attempting to get across the idea that my name is Amy, without actually telling him...

...He obviously heard because he got up from his desk in a huff and slammed the door shut!

However, he clearly chose to take no notice of the content of the loud conversation, as he just this minute came over to say "I am glad to see you back Kim, it's nice to see you", to which I replied "Oh! Nice to see you too"... (Idiot)

Nice indeed...

Kim indeed...

Silly man!

But Tania's back, yay!

Ah, I'm back!...

2005-12-12T14:41:00.000Z

Two short days turned into five long ones, but I vowed to myself that I would return and now I am back!

Two days away from the office makes it doubly hard to come back to work. Five days away (plus the two lovely weekends at either end) made it almost impossible this morning!

However, I arrived today to find two Christmas presents on my desk (nice ones too, not a dead pigeon like my cat gave me yesterday), so it's actually turning out to be ok!...

...All that, I am sure, is about to change....

Invisible temp

2005-12-02T16:16:00.000Z

Oh dear.

I was supposed to be training a new temp today, who is due to cover me on Monday and Tuesday next week. I wasn't looking forward to yet another training day, but I had resigned myself to the fact that it had to be done.

It's now 16:25 though and she hasn't turned up...

Now, I am in a dilemma;

Do I bring this to the attention of the lady who isn't really my boss but kind of watches over me, so that she knows the cover that comes on Monday hasn't been trained? Do I call the man that hates me but arranged the cover to tell him that she's awol? (He'll definitely shout at me because he always shouts at me!) Do I risk having to hang around this evening until she comes so that I can show her what to do? Or shall I just be really bad, leave it and pretend I forgot?

Urmm...

I think I'll be really bad, leave it and pretend I forgot!

Nothing against her

2005-12-02T16:11:00.000Z

I've just realised that it must look like I have something against our cleaner.

I don't... Really...

I'm just so unbelievably bored, everything annoys me immensely. Plus, I'm teetering on the verge on hysteria - which is why I probably find it so funny!

Busted!

2005-12-02T15:12:00.000Z

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...

He he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he...

The cleaner just caught sitting in the cleaner's cupboard (there's no light in there by the way, I think I forgot to mention that previously) by her manager!

Heh heh heh heh heh...

Gross

2005-12-02T12:01:00.000Z

I keep having to throw my pens away because the cleaner keeps standing at my desk, chewing them.

I try and deal with the fact that they have been gnawed by her, but I can't.

They feel contaminated.

I know it's a waste of perfectly good pens but I can't run the risk of using one accidentally...

Gross.

Everyone's glad it's Friday

2005-12-02T09:43:00.000Z

"Good morning"

"Good morning"

"How are you?"

"I'm good thanks, how are you?"

"Good thanks - glad it's Friday!"

I have had this conversation about thirteen times today already...

Vaccum straddling cleaner

2005-12-01T16:45:00.000Z

So... This doesn't seem half as funny as it did earlier, but still...

The last time that Jenny was hunting for the cleaner she couldn't find her anywhere. As she wanted her to hoover up some smashed glass which was the handy work of her boss, when she couldn't find sight nor sound of her she knew she'd have to (reluctantly) do it herself.

Next then, the hunt was for the Hoover as the hunt for the cleaner had failed.

She eventually found the spare key to the store cupboard, unlocked the door and found the cleaner fast asleep in there. This was not an unusual occurrence as she often takes herself off for a little nap when things get a bit much. The thing that made it funny (to me atleast) was the way she was sleeping. There is no room in the cupboard you understand, it's standing room only for the Hoover, mop, bucket etc. Well, (cutting this increasingly long story short) the cleaner had assumed the position that a cat or young child may take, while riding a Hoover and being video taped by their cruel parents/owners for a hilarious 'caught on camera show'. Send in your tape and we'll give you £250 - that sort of thing. Basically, straddling the upright Hoover, legs wrapped around the bottom, arms around the top. It must have been the only way she could fit herselff in there and be able to lock the door!

Even when she was woken, she just rose gently from her sleep. Not with a start as one might imagine!

I have a camera here, for taking photos for people's security passes. If I ever catch her straddling the hoover and snoozing I'm going to get a picture! Cruel I know, but incredibly funny all the same!

(I'll post it here when i've done it - it is funny, honestly!)

Pink Champagne

2005-12-01T16:39:00.000Z

I've just had a couple of glasses of pink champagne and I am now having a serious hot flush! It crept in after the first glass and now looks intent on hanging around!

Yes I am still at work, yes I am still bored - although everything seems strangely more bearable after champagne and chocolate cake!

Comical cleaner

2005-12-01T12:24:00.000Z

I have just been told a number of hilarious stories about our cleaner. Honestly, she's been caught out so many times, I don't know how she continues to get away with it!

Unfortunately, I am off to lunch in a moment, so I'll have to recall the stories later!...

...Just to keep you interested though, Jenny (one of the PAs) said that she now knocks before she goes looking for anything in the store cupboard!

Ahh, makes me laugh!

Sloth in the workplace

2005-11-30T16:50:00.000Z

I have my only chore of the day looming, namely, franking the post...

(Eight and a half hours after my working day began the work comes piling in...)

The really awful thing is, I can't actually be bothered to get up from my desk and walk the five metres it is to the post room to do it - even though I know that there are only about five pieces of post in there and it will only take about 30 seconds to complete. It seems like a real inconvenience.

How bad is that?!

I haven't done anything today, of course...

I'm turning into a sloth in the workplace.

Air of displeasure

2005-11-30T15:00:00.000Z

I think I may have an air of displeasure about me today as three people have asked me if I'm happy in my job...

Ah well, with nothing to lose I've told them the truth!

I have that feeling about me, the one that you get when you know when you are leaving. Almost that it is all finally coming to an end. Normally it's when you hand your notice in - I think it's the sense of relief that you feel. I do know that I am not going to stay on past the six months that I originally signed for, which means that I only have to claw my way through December and January - but that's still quite a long time in the grand scheme of things, so I don't know why I keep telling everyone that I'm leaving!!

I have two more days off next week - it seems like I'm always off at the moment (not that that's a bad thing - in fact, it's a very, very good thing)! I have a horrible feeling that I won't come back after Christmas and that's while I'm feeling like it's nearly all over. A three day week and two full weeks and I'm done. I hope I do come back though, just until the end of January, because starting the year as an unemployed bum would be a pretty poor start to my 26th year on the planet!*

Oh no.

Watch out.

Take cover.

I can sense a premature mid-life crisis looming in the midst!

---------------

*Or would it me my 27th year on the planet? There is year 0 which is still a year but isn't counted as 1, so when I turn 26 i'll really be starting my 27th year... That's right isn't it? I think that makes sense.

That means i'm coming to the end of my 26th year... Oh noooooo!

No Allen..

2005-11-30T14:46:00.000Z

...so no singing today.

Damn. I was really looking forward to him singing made up 'Kim' songs to me again today.

Maybe tomorrow if i'm lucky.

Only half dressed

2005-11-30T12:03:00.000Z

On my walk to work this morning, suddenly, out of the blue, it dawned on me that I was only half dressed!

I had my trousers on (luckily), shoes yes, coat yes... Top? No!

I realised that I had forgotten to put my top on! Very luckily for me, I was wearing a little white vest, but I had intended to wear that under a jumper (as extra insulation), not on its own!

As a major stroke of luck, my manky wooly cardie was still hanging on the back of my chair at my desk when I got in, so I'm wearing that now. It still hasn't made it home to be washed yet though, so I'm feeling pretty foolish and pretty festy! Better than wearing a summer outfit in the middle of winter though - and slightly more appropriate for work I imagine...

Oops!

Another level

2005-11-29T17:04:00.000Z

Allen has just taken it to a whole new level...

(singing) "Kim-ber-ley, ooooooooooh my sweet Kim-ber-ly" la la la

How lovely to be serenaded by such a wonderful man!

Allen's back from the US..

2005-11-29T15:33:00.000Z

..And, even without keeping an official tally I can remember being called Kim 7 or 8 times today. I've responded to it just as many times, because he keeps asking me really stupid questions.

"Kim, how are you today?"

(A bit later on) "Kim, how are you this afternoon?"

"Kim, do you know Parit?"

"Kim, do I look as tired as I feel?" What?!

"Kim, I have someone coming in to see me today. Can you let me know when he arrives?"

I have responded to all of these questions, politely and with a courteous smile.

I've given up.

He says it so often I'm almost beginning to respond to it automatically. I hear 'Kim' and my ears prick up "did somebody call me?"

I know he knows that Kim is not my name. I know that for sure, because he has been hanging around outside his office a lot today and has heard people calling me Amy constantly.

They call me Amy. He watches and listens. He calls me me Kim.

I missed him while he was away...

...Hardly!

Orange Trousers

2005-11-29T14:58:00.000Z

I just spilt a cup of orange juice all over my desk and into my lap. How careless. Now my legs are sticky and my desk has a weird pong... (Now I have orange covered trousers.)

I hurried around to the kitchen to get some paper towels to clean up the mess I had created and I saw two girls huddled over the fridge.

"I must stop stealing things from the fridge" the first thief said.

"I know" the other thief agreed, "but I want juice".

"Well" they continued, "it looks like it's orange juice, orange juice, or orange juice".

Two of those cartons of orange juice are mine. I bought them yesterday in an effort to boost my vitamin C levels (and it tastes nicer than water...). I have put my name on them, (not trusting anyone naturally), but it looks like that's irrelevant. If people want what they see they will take it regardless.

They earn double the amount that I do so they could easily afford their own.

And they'd probably freak if I dunked my apple in their (labeled) Philadelphia cream cheese that's in the same fridge...On the same shelf...

...Yet still they feel it's ok to take my orange juice when they get a taste for it.

I feel like eating one of their mangos. Infact, I might even have sliced mango in a bowl of their Special K breakfast cereal, or muesli, tomorrow. I may wash it down with a glass of their vodka that they keep in the freezer for special occasions.

I wouldn't do that though - because I'm not selfish.

Why didn't I say "touch mine and you die"? Or "please don't drink my juice" Or even "the juice with my name on it is mine"?... Even if they have finished off both cartons (one for each thief) it's kind of my fault because I didn't stop them - despite the fact that I had caught them in the evil act.

My day today is right up there with the really crappy ones. I actually cried earlier but that's another story...

"Stop following me"

2005-11-29T14:43:00.000Z

I had to tell a man on the train on my way to work today to "stop following me" because everywhere I went he was right by my side or treading on my heals. He was a bit close on the platform, and I virtually (unwillingly) gave him a piggy-back on to the train. It was chocker block, but still he managed to stand exactly where I was standing - even though I kept moving to try to get a bit more space.

He didn't say anything, luckily, he just looked away and moved down to the middle of the carriage.

Freak.

Fire evacuation exercise

2005-11-28T15:22:00.000Z

We had a fire alarm evacuation exercise this morning. I sent an email to everybody on Friday letting them know the time and date of the evacuation so that they could plan calls or meetings around it. I thought that that was a good idea as it would help them to prepare.

At 10:30 this morning the exodus began. A slow but steady trickle of people gathered their coats, hats, gloves and scarves, jumped into the lift and ‘popped out for a coffee’. By the time the actual drill happened at 11:00 the only people left on the floor were my good self and the fire wardens. Everybody else had taken the lift and avoided the wait in the freezing cold. Being on reception I couldn't really take advantage of the warm coffee shop across the road, instead I had to take the 13 flights of stairs and brave the bitter wind while I waited, on my own, to be counted.

On the way back up to the office the queues for the lifts were huge. They always are after this sort of thing. Everyone rushing to be the first back to their desks, even though they were probably the first ones to leave them also. I’m not very good in lifts at the best of times, and on occasions like these they tend to be hugely over filled and the journey to my floor takes ages because it stops at every floor to let a lone person out. Even though it's super busy, people still get in the lift to go to the first floor… Why?

Anyway, after being semi-challenged to take the stairs up, rather than the lift, I did.

And I wish I hadn’t.

Phewee, I was feeling the burn by the time I reached the top that’s for sure!

Next time – if I am still here when there’s a next time of course, I’m not going to tell anyone that there is an evacuation drill about to happen. They can brave the stairs and the cold with me. It’s only fair. In a 'real life' situation they wouldn’t have had a warning of an impending fire after all!

I don't really know why I am moaning about the fire drill, by 11:00 I was actually incredibly glad for a break from doing nothing at my desk - even if that break was almost-heart-attack-inducing stair climbing!

Psycho cleaner

2005-11-28T14:55:00.000Z

Our cleaner has issues.

I just went to the kitchen to get a glass of orange juice and I found her shouting at a poor man - because his can of Tango had got stuck in the vending machine!

Once again, actually shouting!

Does him trying to dislodge the can affect her at all? No.

Does she have any right to be shouting at the man because his drink got stuck? No.

Does she need to relax and calm down a bit? Definitely.

Someone is going to shout back at her one of these days and I doubt she'll like it. I'll enjoy it though!

Horrible shouty woman.

The joke is on me I fear...

2005-11-25T11:49:00.000Z

Oh great.

A couple of (grown) men from around the corner have just taken it upon themselves to lock their boss, one of the Vice Presidents, in his office. They were due to have a meeting with him, but he was on the phone and was making them late, so they decided to 'teach him a lesson'. Unfortunately for me, the office is right next to Allen's, right in front of my desk...

"Look how funny it'll be when he tries to get out" they said - as they walked off chuckling.

I am so going to get the blame for this I know it.

Even though it has absolutely nothing to do with me, I am undoubtedly going to get the full wrath of his anger when he realises he can't get out. One of the guys said "Just call out for me when he realises he's stuck"...

...By then it will be too late. He's not exactly one for joking about, is that VP.

I've been on the receiving end of his unfounded anger before. I got the blame when someone took a chair from his office last week. Again, nothing to do with me.

He came storming out of his office, right up to my face and said "you can't just go around taking people's chairs you know".

"I didn't" I said...

...(in my head).

I chose to look through him and say nothing.

I fear I can't get away with looking away and saying nothing this time - when he realises that he is locked in his office with the keys stuck on the window on the outside.

Oh my goodness.

I'm scared!

I might go and hide somewhere until the joke is over...

Leftovers?

2005-11-24T14:15:00.000Z

It was so cold outside today that I was forced, against my better judgment, to eat my packed lunch in the office kitchen.

I knew before I sat down that this was most probably a bad move.

Somehow, within minutes, I had managed to offend a woman eating a ravioli concoction, by asking if she was eating leftovers for her lunch...

I didn't think that was such a bad thing - it actually points towards good planning if you ask me. Make a little more dinner than you need in the evening, keep it in the fridge overnight and re-heat it in the microwave for a warm free lunch the next day. Cheap, quick and probably a great deal healthier than what you would otherwise have bought. What more do you need?

Apparently, for her, it was deeply offensive to suggest she may be eating surplus food and no, she had actually, most definitely, cooked her pasta last night specifically to have for lunch today.

Okaaay then... (wide eyed nodding as I turned back to my book).

Touchy.

Covered in tea

2005-11-24T08:50:00.000Z

Yuk.

I got in early again today. I didn't mean to but somehow it just happened.

Commenced my morning routine of coat off, PC on and into the kitchen for my hot chocolate. This all went fine.

When I got back to my desk though, the cleaner was just putting my phone down and was laughing hysterically.

Oh the hilarity of her being on the phone to her friend, still having tea in her mouth and spitting it out all over my phone and desk. Oh how funny that she just walked off laughing without cleaning it up.

Not funny.

It's disgusting.

I've had to clear up her spat out tea and I feel violated. It was on my mouse, my keyboard, the mousemat, desk and phone.

Gross.

Strike two now goes against her name on my list of hate.

Zzzzzz

2005-11-23T14:05:00.000Z

It's so cold that I am wearing my scarf at my desk - the only problem is, my scarf is keeping me nice and toasty which is making me super sleepy.

My eyes keep closing, they feel so heavy.

I don't know what I am going to do - I really need to snap out of it.

Half my brain is whispering 'give in to it and close them', the other half is saying 'you can't, you're at work'. Unfortunately it feels so good to keep them shut that the giving in option seems the most attractive.

I thought I'd read my book as it is super quiet here today (so there's no-one here to give me evil looks - as if I have committed a major sin), but the words keep jumping all over the page and I'm not taking it in properly.

I've tried a large caffeine intake and that hasn't worked.

Five minutes sleeping in the toilets is the only thing that I can think of. Just so long as 5 quick minutes doesn't turn in to 30 glorious ones...

Not a bad selection of free grub

2005-11-22T14:35:00.000Z

I was starting to panic there for a minute as all of the food was gone from the meeting room by the time that I got back from my lunch...

Not that I am hungry though. Far from it actually. I had two toasted cheese sandwiches and an unusually large iced chelsea bun for my lunch (It turned out to be a bit too much stodge for me and I feel incredibly sleepy now...) It was just that I had been waiting, so patiently, all morning.

However, the panic is over. I have successfully managed to pocket two strawberry smoothies, two vanilla yogurt smoothies and a massive muffin. I'm not at all sure about the muffin as it looks like it has poppy seeds in the icing, but Laura told me to take it and bin it of it wasn't nice! So I did! I'll blame her - I don't need telling twice.

Now I'm just going to do one more scout about to see if there are any free cans of coke! I fancy an ice cold can of free 'soft drink with vegetable extracts' (always sounds so unappetising). Ahhh, there is a lot to be said for days when there are big meetings... Even if it does mean that I have to push the door release button more frequently throughout the day!

Free lunch...

2005-11-22T09:24:00.000Z

...Well, breakfast.

There's a big meeting again today. I've just watched a variety of croissants, fruit salads, freshly squeezed juice, blueberry muffins, carrot cake, Danish pastries and bananas all go in there. I'm hoping on a fruit salad going spare... I really fancy a croissant (to dip into my second hot chocolate of the day) but they are not individually wrapped and I don't fancy having a germ covered, man-handled pastry - even if it is free!* Mind you, a warm fruit salad may also be unappealing by the time it escapes the sweaty room - perhaps I will pass on the free breakfast all together!

*To make matters worse, I saw the cleaner putting them on the tray and she wasn't wearing gloves. I wonder if she came straight from cleaning the toilets to arranging to the croissants. The mood she was in this morning she probably spat or purposely sneezed on them to get back at the world which is so obviously against her. I'll definitely pass.

The cheek of it

2005-11-22T08:29:00.000Z

The bloody cheek of it.

I got in early today, 8:21 to be precise. Went into the kitchen to get my hot chocolate (it's freezing today and I was desperate for it) and the cleaner started shouting at me.

Actually shouting...

For no reason...

I think she's lost the plot.

She angrily yelled "you're not hearing me!"

I frustratedly replied "I am hearing you, you're shouting!"

Stupid woman.

I got my hot chocolate and left in a hurry.

She's just been promoted to my hate list. Another name added to the ever growing list of people to avoid. Allen's at the top, naturally, but the lazy screaming cleaning woman now comes a very close second.

So little to do...

2005-11-18T15:01:00.000Z

...and so much time.

Human sardines

2005-11-18T11:44:00.000Z

This morning was a particularly miserable morning, which really shouldn't have been the case - considering it's a Friday!

Weather wise it was ok, extremely bitter, but the sun was making a concerted effort to make an appearance. As long as you were wrapped up warm and kept moving (which I was, and did) it was actually quite pleasant. My journey however, was when the misery began...

Cancelled train, late train, cancelled train, late train... Cancelled train, late train, cancelled train, late train...

My train finally!!

My train full of people who should have been on the numerous previously cancelled trains...

I managed to squeeze on, just. There was no debate about it - I was getting on that train! I managed to stretch my little finger to one of the yellow poles so I was able to hold on, by the nail, just. I was squashed into the door by a lady with long wayward hair and a ridiculously big bag, but I was luckily able to shallow breathe without injesting too much of her filthy mane... just.

Then, as if the lack of trains and the packed-in-like-sardines condition were the joke, along came the punchline.

We didn't move.

For over ten minutes the train sat at the station platform, passengers squashed inappropriately close together, no room to move, inhaling the sneezes and spluttery coughs carelessly expelled all around us. Doors locked so we couldn't escape. No windows that open. No announcement to tell us why. No indication of when we may expect to begin our journey... I started to get a bit panicky with the thought of the lack of air.

At 8:26 I gave up. I had four minutes to get to work and it's a half hour journey. I resigned myself to the fact that possibly any virus I could catch I would catch, and there was nothing I could do about it. I gazed out the locked door and tried to focus on something else to keep my overactive imagination at bay in an effort to keep calm. I noticed a businessman eating a bagel, sipping his coffee and continuing chewing his original mouthful. I hate that. It makes me feel really sick, just the thought of it... Did the job though, it took my mind off being trapped in a metal tube with hundreds of other people (33% of whom were probably nutters I imagined) all squashed in like sardines.

It was another horrible journey, I just hope it's not going to be a horrible day...

I obviously don't want to temp fate, but it's actually not looking too bad so far!

So great to be back

2005-11-17T16:10:00.000Z

After five lovely days off how great it is to be back...

...Or perhaps not...

It was strangely nice actually, when I first came in, because the temp that covered me caused mayhem again. I don't know how they manage it, but everything seems to fall apart when I am not here, so everyone believes I am truly wonderful! I make the most of the praise when it comes my way, sympathising with how the temp could get so many things so horribly wrong... After all, having an incompetent temp just makes me look better, so I hope the next one that covers me is really bad!

Unfortunately, the novelty of it being nice to be back soon wore off.

By 10:10 I was watching the clock with nothing to do.

By 11:00 the fire alarm had gone off 7 times.

7 times I had put my coat on to leave the building and 7 times I had to take it off and sit back down again. It may not sound like much, but at the time it was incredibly annoying - it was interrupting my surfing of the internet for one thing. Someone on the 12th floor had burnt some toast, I discovered, which was playing havoc with the alarms. As it was getting ever so slightly repetitious I sent an email to everybody explaining that a slice burnt toast was the cause of the erratic fire alarms and for once, for the first time ever, I heard someone laugh at my email as he read it out to his colleague.

Woo hoo! This is a truly momentous occasion, which I plan to treasure - my witty-but-informational email was... appreciated (albeit for a split second by a lone person). I'd better not let that encourage me to send more though, as I doubt my elation at being found funny would last for very long. I usually get at least one reply from someone telling me not to waste their time. I tend to just ignore these, but I have actually considered constructing a pro-forma email about how replying to my waste-of-time email is surely a greater waste of their time than simply glancing at a three lines about a lost cardigan, not microwaving paper cups, or indeed, burnt toast. I've thought better of it until now - I'm saving that until I'm feeling really mischievous (or pissed off!).

Somehow, and somewhat unbelievably, the day has passed without dragging it's cumbersome feet in the mud too much which means I only have one hour and twenty minutes to get through before I can go home...

...Then one more day and it's the weekend again! If every week was a two day week I think I could actually handle this 'working' malarky!

Fly soup

2005-11-11T14:25:00.000Z

I just spent my lunch hour going from book shop to book shop searching for a book that I am beginning to think doesn't actually exit.

I had only 15 minutes left for my lunch so I rushed to the nearby deli, bought some tomato soup, got blown into the graveyard (it's really windy, but the wind was behind me for once and was shoving me in the right direction), sat down on the usual bench (on a newspaper because it was slightly damp), opened up my steaming soup... and a fly landed in it.

I tried carefully taking it out with the lid of my cup but it just slipped right through the little sipping hole, and this time went further into the red swamp. I couldn't see it, so I couldn't get it out.

Being vegetarian, and therefore not eating animals, I didn't really fancy tomato and fly soup so I had to bin it...

Now I'm so hungry I could eat a horse!

And the new starter makes three

2005-11-11T11:33:00.000Z

"This is our wonderful receptionist, Kim" Allen just said as he bounded around the corner followed rather too closely by his eager new starter.

"Anything you need to know, just ask because she's your gal!" he continued, gesturing towards me, coffee in hand. Somehow ignoring the Kim bit for a second, I wondered how he would know I was the 'gal' who knows everything you just have to ask. The most I have ever done for him is reluctantly pass him my sellotape dispenser, and tell him the price of a 1st class stamp.

What an idiot. I am really starting to detest that man. Now I'll have Allen, his wife and his protege doing it. Great.

A close shave

2005-11-11T11:17:00.000Z

Phew. I just had an incredibly close shave!

The Facilities Co-ordinator just called to ask me if I was aware that I was booked on an induction course on Monday and Tuesday.

Caught terribly off guard, I said [pause, mini gulp] "Noooooo?"

Which seemed to do the trick!..

...She said she had told the trainer, who is running the course, that I mustn't have known anything about it, because I have Monday and Tuesday booked off, but not to go to an induction! She also cancelled my place (so I won't be charged) and made my apologies for me!

Just to authenticate my disappointment I said "Oh damn, there's an induction in Brighton? Ah, it would have been so nice to go down there and see everybody again!"

For once it looks like my plan has come to fruition. Now I can finally stop worrying about it and can start looking forward to a glorious five days away from here! Today may not be such a dismal day afterall...

I'll not count on that though!

Urgent Courier

2005-11-11T10:57:00.000Z

Urgent courier my arse...

It will come as no surprise that I did nothing yesterday. Some more surfing of the internet, but that's about it.

From 8:30am to 5:00pm I did absolutely nothing. So at 5:01pm when I was asked, by the lady that's not my boss but kind of watches over me, if I could arrange an urgent courier I of course enthusiastically obliged. I should, after all, do something to earn my money. She said she would email me the address "in one minute". I sat poised, courier book in one hand, phone in the other... 5:05pm... 5:10pm... 5:15pm... At 5:15pm she walked past my desk in a hurry. I looked at her expectantly.

"Oh" she said "I forgot about the package, I'll do it in two ticks" she promised, and off she galloped.

5:20pm...

5:25 pm...

5:28pm

My phone rings "Actually Amy, we'll send that package tomorrow instead".

What?! Evil, evil woman. She didn't want me to arrange a courier, she never had done. She just wanted to keep me here until 5:30pm.

I do realise that I am contractually obliged to work until 5:30pm, but when I've been sitting doing nothing for the 7 and a half hours prior to 5pm, the thought of that last half hour is often too much to stomach. As there is never anyone here, and never anything to do, I do not understand why I have to be here past 5pm.

Which I suppose brings me neatly back to my original burning question - why do they have anyone here to do my 'job' at all...

Casual Friday

2005-11-11T10:28:00.000Z

It's casual Friday again today.

I'm wearing jeans.

I'm not on edge today, because I really don't care, and I would quite like to be told off for wearing casual clothes because I'm in a bad mood and spoiling for a bit of an argument... (Not that I would say anything though - actually I'd probably end up apologising for my poor lack of judgment).

I do however, feel like an awful tramp.

I'm wearing my old jeans, rather than my smart ones. They're a bit frayed and quite faded. I'm wearing a plain white vest top (because it was all I could find in the rush this morning) and a manky old black cardie. The cardigan isn't quite made of wool, so I find it rather itchy and have to keep the arms rolled up past my elbows. It's the cardie that I keep at work, on the back of my chair, for those extra cold days in the office. It probably smells a bit festy as I get cold most days, and I've had it here for over a month. I think I'll take it home and wash it over the weekend. I am a bit worried though, that it'll fall apart in the washing machine as I imagine its only the grot that is keeping the manky old thing together!

I knew from the moment I woke up today that the day was going to drag...

Just because it's funny...

2005-11-10T16:54:00.000Z

Just because it makes me laugh, I thought I would copy and paste the email which I sent to my old manager, here for you to read. This is the email which got me prematurely escorted from the building in my last job. All names have of course been changed, as has anything which may identify the company I worked for - just incase! To give you the low down, she had sent me a very curt email saying that it was a '[Company] rule', not to reward people who leave the business.

Dear [Pigface],

Perhaps this is a '[Company] rule' but I can think of a number of ways that you could have gotten around this if you had wanted to. I feel deflated that all of my efforts and hard work have come to nothing.

I spoke to the team before I sent my previous note to you and they all persuaded me to ask you about the reward as I have worked just as hard as the rest of them for the past eight months. I will let them know that I am to receive nothing. Despite team meetings, [department meetings] and [meetings with management] emphasising the extent to which [the Company] values and rewards its employees, I am to receive nothing for my efforts and I am hugely disappointed.

I have it on excellent authority that a member of this team recently left the company before the [bonus] payments were made, but she still received them. This too was for goals which had been met. She too contributed. She too received the reward. But I will not. Does [the Company] have one rule for one employee and another for everybody else?

A personal recognition from you is one thing, but it was not what was promised when we were set the goal. I vigorously worked my accounts for a trip to Prague (or the equivalent monetary value) - not a verbal pat on the back from you!

Please note my dissatisfaction and disappointment.

Amy

***I didn't get a reply to this one. Actually, I guess I did in a way. It was - GET OUT NOW! ha ha***

Induction course

2005-11-10T15:59:00.000Z

I'm bored, of course, but I'm feeling ok...

...This is because I just have to get through the rest of today, the nine hours that is tomorrow, and then I have a lovely five days away from the office. I have taken Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday off next week - for a very specific and slightly sly reason...

About two months ago I was told that I would have to go on an induction course. It's a get to know the company thing, and it's being held in Brighton. I am not a fan of get-to-know-you games, or ice-breakers, or anything of an even vaguely similar nature. Anything which forces you to have F.U.N FUN is never really fun, so I was far from enthused by the news. It was so long ago it had almost slipped my mind (unfortunately, it was one piece of information I have actually managed to hold on to, it's been kneeding the very back of my mind, selfishly lurking in a dark and slightly damp corner).

Last weekend I received a letter in the post. It gave all the details of the meeting and confirmed that it was for two days, Monday and Tuesday, rather than the single day I had been led to expect. It also gave an itinerary which, to me, seems like a huge waste of time. It is 15 minutes of lecture, 15 minutes tea break, 15 minutes lecture, 15 minutes tea break... How much time do we possibly need for tea? Do they think we need a substantial amount of time in between each section to absorb the wealth of fascinating knowledge they are planning to share with us? I doubt it. It also gave a stark warning that if I do not attend I will be charged.

I don't think so!

I don't want to go.

I really don't want to go.

I would rather go to the hairdressers (even though it's inevitably a traumatic experience, and I always end up looking like a boy).

So, I don't want to go because I don't like that sort of thing. I don't want to go because I don't drink tea. I also don't want to go because it is in Brighton which will mean a very early start for me, and a long train journey in the dark both ways.

The main reason I don't want to go, however, is slightly more sinister...

...It is because the the induction is being held in the building that I used to work in in Brighton. I now work for a company, that works for the company I used to work for (If you follow?). The thought of bumping into someone I used to work with is not a jubilant one - because I left my old job in what you may call a 'blaze of glory'. Actually, it was a curfuffle innocently caused because, on the day before I was due to leave, I asked when I would be receiving my target driven bonus. I was wondering if it would be in cheque form, or whether it would be sent straight into my account the following month. I sent a very polite, but inquisitive email to my manager... It was met with a very hostile reply... So she received an equally inappropriate reply from me. Before I knew it, my team leader was sitting behind me, perched on my desk (Iused to hate it when she did that), making up a pathetic excuse about how I must be so very busy, and how I could go home to sort things out and get on with the packing if I wanted to. Of course I jumped at the chance! I briefly said my goodbyes and I left. I really couldn't get out of there quick enough! Admittedly, I had had good times while I had been there, but I had had my fill by the time I decided I was going to leave. I didn't have a chance to clear my desk, empty my draws or even put an 'out of office' reply on my email. Nothing. (I was doubly happy, because if i'd stayed until my final day I would have had to buy everyone cakes which I really resented). My team leader had to officially escort me out of the building which was horribly awkward. She came downstairs, gave me the obligatory hug and told me to keep in touch - even though we both knew that I would be doing nothing of the sort. I held my breath while she was holding me (she always had a rancid smell about her and I didn't want to risk enhaling any of her flaky skin), then I let out a huge sigh of relief as I left the premises. It was such an uplifting feeling, walking down the hill, away, knowing I would never have to go back there ever again.

Until now that is.

I am so adamant that I do not want to go, that I have not mentioned the letter about the induction course to anyone here. I daren't. Instead, I came in on Monday and booked the days off first thing in the morning. Now if anyone asks, I wont be able to go to the induction because I am not at work!! Phew. It feels glorious to be so cunning!

All I have to do is not get caught out tomorrow, and I am home and dry. A nice long weekend... a bearable two day week next week... No horrible get-to-know-you games. And no risk of bumping into anyone that I used to know but no longer wish to.

Perfect!

Why do I have that feeling that nothing ever goes the way you plan?

Stop flexing... Please!

2005-11-10T14:27:00.000Z

Allen keeps standing his his doorway, flexing.

He stretches one arm by holding on to the top of the door fame and leaning as far forward as he can possibly muster. Then he stretches the other arm. Then both, so his whole body is jutting forwards.

All the while he is looking at me. I am looking away of course, making sure I don't catch his eye so he doesn't call me Kim - but it makes me feel sick, and I would really like him to stop!

What?!

2005-11-10T11:34:00.000Z

"Once a king, always a king, but once a Knight is plenty.."

That's what a most discusting, stinking, wart covered delivery man just said to me when I signed for a package.

I've never heard that before - I hope I never hear it again. I feel violated!