Induction course

I'm bored, of course, but I'm feeling ok...

...This is because I just have to get through the rest of today, the nine hours that is tomorrow, and then I have a lovely five days away from the office. I have taken Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday off next week - for a very specific and slightly sly reason...

About two months ago I was told that I would have to go on an induction course. It's a get to know the company thing, and it's being held in Brighton. I am not a fan of get-to-know-you games, or ice-breakers, or anything of an even vaguely similar nature. Anything which forces you to have F.U.N FUN is never really fun, so I was far from enthused by the news. It was so long ago it had almost slipped my mind (unfortunately, it was one piece of information I have actually managed to hold on to, it's been kneeding the very back of my mind, selfishly lurking in a dark and slightly damp corner).

Last weekend I received a letter in the post. It gave all the details of the meeting and confirmed that it was for two days, Monday and Tuesday, rather than the single day I had been led to expect. It also gave an itinerary which, to me, seems like a huge waste of time. It is 15 minutes of lecture, 15 minutes tea break, 15 minutes lecture, 15 minutes tea break... How much time do we possibly need for tea? Do they think we need a substantial amount of time in between each section to absorb the wealth of fascinating knowledge they are planning to share with us? I doubt it. It also gave a stark warning that if I do not attend I will be charged.

I don't think so!

I don't want to go.

I really don't want to go.

I would rather go to the hairdressers (even though it's inevitably a traumatic experience, and I always end up looking like a boy).

So, I don't want to go because I don't like that sort of thing. I don't want to go because I don't drink tea. I also don't want to go because it is in Brighton which will mean a very early start for me, and a long train journey in the dark both ways.

The main reason I don't want to go, however, is slightly more sinister...

...It is because the the induction is being held in the building that I used to work in in Brighton. I now work for a company, that works for the company I used to work for (If you follow?). The thought of bumping into someone I used to work with is not a jubilant one - because I left my old job in what you may call a 'blaze of glory'. Actually, it was a curfuffle innocently caused because, on the day before I was due to leave, I asked when I would be receiving my target driven bonus. I was wondering if it would be in cheque form, or whether it would be sent straight into my account the following month. I sent a very polite, but inquisitive email to my manager... It was met with a very hostile reply... So she received an equally inappropriate reply from me. Before I knew it, my team leader was sitting behind me, perched on my desk (Iused to hate it when she did that), making up a pathetic excuse about how I must be so very busy, and how I could go home to sort things out and get on with the packing if I wanted to. Of course I jumped at the chance! I briefly said my goodbyes and I left. I really couldn't get out of there quick enough! Admittedly, I had had good times while I had been there, but I had had my fill by the time I decided I was going to leave. I didn't have a chance to clear my desk, empty my draws or even put an 'out of office' reply on my email. Nothing. (I was doubly happy, because if i'd stayed until my final day I would have had to buy everyone cakes which I really resented). My team leader had to officially escort me out of the building which was horribly awkward. She came downstairs, gave me the obligatory hug and told me to keep in touch - even though we both knew that I would be doing nothing of the sort. I held my breath while she was holding me (she always had a rancid smell about her and I didn't want to risk enhaling any of her flaky skin), then I let out a huge sigh of relief as I left the premises. It was such an uplifting feeling, walking down the hill, away, knowing I would never have to go back there ever again.

Until now that is.

I am so adamant that I do not want to go, that I have not mentioned the letter about the induction course to anyone here. I daren't. Instead, I came in on Monday and booked the days off first thing in the morning. Now if anyone asks, I wont be able to go to the induction because I am not at work!! Phew. It feels glorious to be so cunning!

All I have to do is not get caught out tomorrow, and I am home and dry. A nice long weekend... a bearable two day week next week... No horrible get-to-know-you games. And no risk of bumping into anyone that I used to know but no longer wish to.

Perfect!

Why do I have that feeling that nothing ever goes the way you plan?