Say what? Part II

I can't believe it. A lady who works here, who shall remain anonymous (for her own well being), was just standing infront of my desk chatting with partners from other companies before saying their goodbyes. While making the obligatory small talk she casually mentioned that she loves Cliff Richard!

It wasn't even forced out of her - she openly admitted it.

She's really pretty and must only be mid to late 20's.

It's not natural.

If she was ugly and old I could understand it (kidding!)

She was being totally genuine.

She actually said "I love him. He's gorgeous.. His voice is so pure and deep".

Gorgeous?... Pure?... Deep?!... Are we talking about the same Cliff?

Say what?

They are doing a charity abseiling event down the side of our building today.

Just as I was walking back from my cold rained-on lunch, a lady was about half the way down. Another lady was looking up in awe..

"Oooh look" she said, excitedly pointing "that's scary, but i'd love to hang glide down a building like that!"

Hang glide?

Long weekend

When I left my house this morning it was dark and the heavy rain was bouncing off the pavement.

When I got to the train station I was soaked and it was packed because the trains were delayed.

When the train finally appeared I took no prisoners and pushed my way through to make sure I got a seat. I had to squeeze myself into it, in between two other people, but I was so happy to be able to sit down...

...Until I realised I was sitting opposite an incredibly stern and unpleasant woman and a horribly obedient man.

"No. I don't like boiled carrots. Do I."

"No. You're not always there to pick me up on time. Are you."

"You know you don't have to use the long stay car park at the airport if you are only going for a weekend away. Don't you."

I tried not to listen but I couldn't help it. I tried not to stare, but I couldn't help that either. Nasty woman. I felt really sorry for that man. He looked mortally embarrassed.

Anyway, on a much happier note, I heard on the news this morning that the clocks go back this weekend. I am holding onto that thought and it is helping me get through the day. A lovely long weekend*... Ahhhhh

*It's actually only 1 hour extra, but it makes all the difference!

Sprung!

Oh dear.

I have been sprung.

When I came in this morning I was advised ever so kindly and ever so gently by the lady that covered me for lunch yesterday that I should ensure that I delete my internet history on this computer. This is because she happened upon my ramblings while she was surfing the net at my desk. She kept saying that she hadn't read it, but if she hadn't read it she wouldn't have known that I was the one who had written it. Therefore I conclude she must have read it... Not that I mind of course!

Luckily she is one of the good guys, and was just warning me incase one of the other, more serious, girls saw it!

Close shave really.

Feeling bad

Oh no. I feel really bad. A man just fell down the ramp on his way out. His whole leg seemed to buckle as he fell. Poor guy. He laughed it off as he crawled to the far side of the door and I pretended not to notice as I spoke to a courier. I should have checked he was ok. I am a bad person.

I feel doubly bad because I found the whole thing really funny earlier. Now somebody's been hurt I feel kind of responsible.

Even though nothing is technically broken (except perhaps a leg) I think I should make some new signs tomorrow: 'Watch out for the pointless and cunningly disguised ramp' or something similar.

NB. Allen has gone home so there will be no new 'Kim Count' today afterall...

Wrong number

Although I am still ignoring Allen, I keep catching him looking at me as he walks into or away from his office. As he is usually with people, and I don't want him to say "Hi Kim" infront of them, I have been picking up the phone in an attempt to look busy so that I can not possibly be disturbed.

I only actually just realised that I have been doing this.

Now I can do a new Kim count! Yay! This one can be for how many times I pretend to be making a phone call to avoid being called Kim (while still ignoring the perpetrator).

I've made three fake calls so far.

What to do?

I'm really not sure to do for the next four hours.

Needless to say I don't have any work to do.

I can't do a Kim count because I am still ignoring Allen.

Shouldn't laugh but..

We have a real health and safety hazard here. Although it's a bit dangerous it does give me quite a few laughs throughout the course of the day. This occasion was particularly funny!

Just as you come in the main door, I'm sitting on the left and Allen's office is straight ahead. For some reason there is a small (but steep) ramp as soon as you step into the office - and it's carpeted so you really can't see it unless you know its there. I managed to miss it entirely when I came for my interview, although I did trip down it on my way out!

For guests and employees alike, it seems to be about one in twelve that trip up the ramp on their way in. Usually I either pretend not to see or make a comment like "don't worry, it happens to everyone". Once I said "it's ok, I think you got away with it" when a man was looking around to see if his short trip to nowhere had been witnessed. I don't think he appreciated the joke as he did a little cough, straightened his tie but said nothing.

Just now though I couldn't help but laugh out loud. It turned into a belly laugh because I knew I should be restraining it.

A visitor just came in, tripped straight up the ramp, did a couple of falling steps forward, fell into Allen's door (which was closed because his wife was in there), pulled the handle down and opened the door - while on his knees! Just made me laugh. I bet his arm really hurt - he shook it few times as if to loosen it and wiggled his wrist around, apologised to Allen and introduced himself to me.

I said "nice entrance" and luckily, for once, our guest had a sense of humour.

Annoying Allen

Not only is Allen incredibly annoying because he feels compelled to call me Kim...

...He's also incredibly annoying because he keeps his office door open and he is constantly clearing his throat. Really loudly.

And again. He's done it three times in the last 30 seconds. It makes me feel sick.

Deafened before 8am

First thing this morning I was deafened by a large lady shouting "CAN YOU MOVE DOWN PLEASE!!!" on the train when there was clearly no room for anybody to move anywhere. Luckily she obliviously barged her way through the crowd - because I didn't fancy standing anywhere near her during my 15 minute journey into town. Loud, hot, coffee breath. Deafened before 8am.

Apple anyone?

A lone apple and a plate of crisps were the only left-overs to emerge from the meeting.

Greedy beggars.

I'm not opting for any crisps because they are on a plate and will have been man handled (I don't like the thought of that thank you very much). And the apple... When you've been waiting for four hours for a delectable edible treat, an apple simply won't suffice.

The only explanation here is that the visitors have taken doggie bags. Selfish.

Eagle Eye

I'm sitting here (doing nothing of course) ready and waiting to swoop as soon as a big meeting finishes this afternoon. I want to nip in and scavage around for left over food from their lunch. It's external business being discussed today so they've pulled out all the stops with the catering. I always give the sandwiches a miss because they come out of the room sweating with curling edges, but I am partial to a left over brownie or fruit salad.

So much food went in their earlier, by my calculations of the food-to-people ratio, a fair amount should come back out. The house-keeper / cleaning lady / tea-maker always brings the trolley past me on her way to the kitchen so I get first pickings.

I've got my eagle eye on some fruit compots today...

Lunchtime madness

I have just returned from a ridiculously windy and cold lunch break. It was so windy that I couldn't actually read my free lunchtime newspaper - the pages kept flipping over when I was mid story. I should have been reading about George Best who is reportedly in intensive care, and naughty MP George Galloway who is in trouble again for (allegedly) receiving money from Iraq. Instead, I first read that George Galloway was in intensive care and the next thing I knew, George Best was receiving £85,000 from Iraqi oil!

It was so cold I had my biggest winter coat fully zipped up - with the hood up to protect my ears from the bitter breeze. An earache is all I need. I was physically shaking while struggling to eat my home made cheese and pickle triangles. Still tough, sitting in the freezing cold, getting blown about and not being able to read my paper was preferable to sitting in the kitchen here at work.

The kitchen is tiny. It does have a table, but it only has four chairs. If you miss one it's just unlucky. If you manage to grab one however, it's unlucky too, because everyone who enters the kitchen will feel compelled to make small talk while making their coffee or baking their potato...

I sat in there once with my headphones on while reading my book. The battery on my ipod was dead, but I thought that people may not speak to me if they thought I couldn't hear them. Unfortunately, because I could hear them attempting small talk (despite the decoy headphones), I felt bad ignoring them and had to make equally small talk in return. Before you know it, your whole lunch hour has disappeared into a veritable quagmire of meaningless, senselesss and forced chatting.

I am going to end up with a cold if I keep this up though. The small, slightly rotting wooden park bench that sits on the single strip of neatly maintained grass, nestled in the tidy graveyard that is my lunchtime haven, is not going to shield me from the rain when winter arrives and the heavens open. I am going to have to find another (covered) hideout, or else I'll have to brave the kitchen.

Daily chores

Change shoes? Check.

Brush hair? Check.

Eat bran flakes? Check.

Make hot chocolate? Check.

Check for post? Check.

Oh dear.

It's only 8:55 and i've completed all of my tasks for the day. It's going to be an incredibly long nine hours...

Ignoring Allen

Allen is back in the office this afternoon but i'm ignoring him because I really can't see the funny side of being called Kim today.

Office Manager

On Friday I thought that, seeing as this job was sold to me as an 'office manager' role (not just a glorious sitting-on-reception-doing-nothing job), I would take it upon myself to do some 'office-managery' type things (mainly just to keep myself amused and to pass some time).

So.. On Friday I ordered enough stationery to last atleast three years... I think I may have gotten a bit carried away once I started - when I saw it this morning it worried me slightly. I have already diligently laid it all out in the stationery cupboard (which is actually a big messy room). It looks lovely in there now, the walls look really white (because they are stacked high with every kind of envelope the supplier had to offer). It also smells really new, because all the goodies came wrapped in plastic - which has that particular smell of newness about it.

That's why I was busy this morning really, because I was carefully arranging my expertly purchased envelopes and pens..

Now though, I'm on to my next 'managing the office' task. Checking supplies... Of everything. I have checked the kitchen supplies although I already knew what we needed before I looked. I also knew that we can't get what we need - so I don't really know why I bothered looking in the first place! It's all about the cups. Everyday I have numerous complaints about the lack of poxy cups! There are an abundance of proper mugs in the kitchen cupboard, that the employees here don't even have to wash themselves after they've used them, but the preferable choice is paper cups which I can't get hold of. Why is that? If we had paper cups stacked sky high I can guarantee everyone would be drinking out of china mugs..

I discovered that the milk is hugely overstocked as usual. Old milk is thrown away near enough every day which angers me because it is still in date, there's just a lack of room in the fridge. I was going to start taking it home, but I thought someone might catch me and accuse me of stealing it. Because it does feel a bit like something I shouldn't really be doing it's quite likely i'd be acting really shifty anyway, so I'd probably own up to stealing it - even though I wasn't! I tried using a bit of initiative and reducing the order once but that day everyone seemed to want to bathe in milk (or something similar) as we were left with none. Of course I denied all knowledge of the reduced order.

So the kitchen is fine. The stationery is fine. I glanced around desk tops and skirting boards and the cleaner seems to be doing her job, so I don't have to pull her into line. I didn't even see any dead leaves that I could remove from any of the plants that I passed on my rounds. Everything is running tickedy boo. Even the air conditioning is humming obediently.

Really scraping the barrel for things to do I have been around the office checking for out of date posters that I can remove from the walls. Apparently I am the only one who is allowed to stick things on the walls (strange but true) so there could have been lots of old posters that were still there (because no doubt I am the only lucky person who can remove posters from the walls as well). See - I do have my uses! There weren't any though, so it was a bit of a wasted effort.

I have no invoices to check, no bills to pay...

This office totally manages itself, which just goes to prove that there is no need for me to be here. If they attached the door opening button to one of the other desks, they could open the door when the doorbell rings and the company could save a modest wedge of money each year. Unless the new door opener commanded a higher wage of course - in which case they may as well have someone here incase an emergency happens and they need someone to activate the fake panic button!

An unusual occurrence

How unusual.

I have just looked at the clock for the first time today and it is already 11:43.

Normally I look at it at at 8:30, 8:34, 8:40, 8:45, 8:51, 8:53, 8:58.. and so on...

Today though, I've actually been busy and the time has flown.

Ahh, today is a good day!