Invisible temp

Oh dear.

I was supposed to be training a new temp today, who is due to cover me on Monday and Tuesday next week. I wasn't looking forward to yet another training day, but I had resigned myself to the fact that it had to be done.

It's now 16:25 though and she hasn't turned up...

Now, I am in a dilemma;

Do I bring this to the attention of the lady who isn't really my boss but kind of watches over me, so that she knows the cover that comes on Monday hasn't been trained? Do I call the man that hates me but arranged the cover to tell him that she's awol? (He'll definitely shout at me because he always shouts at me!) Do I risk having to hang around this evening until she comes so that I can show her what to do? Or shall I just be really bad, leave it and pretend I forgot?

Urmm...

I think I'll be really bad, leave it and pretend I forgot!

Nothing against her

I've just realised that it must look like I have something against our cleaner.

I don't... Really...

I'm just so unbelievably bored, everything annoys me immensely. Plus, I'm teetering on the verge on hysteria - which is why I probably find it so funny!

Busted!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...

He he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he...

The cleaner just caught sitting in the cleaner's cupboard (there's no light in there by the way, I think I forgot to mention that previously) by her manager!

Heh heh heh heh heh...

Gross

I keep having to throw my pens away because the cleaner keeps standing at my desk, chewing them.

I try and deal with the fact that they have been gnawed by her, but I can't.

They feel contaminated.

I know it's a waste of perfectly good pens but I can't run the risk of using one accidentally...

Gross.

Everyone's glad it's Friday

"Good morning"

"Good morning"

"How are you?"

"I'm good thanks, how are you?"

"Good thanks - glad it's Friday!"

I have had this conversation about thirteen times today already...

Vaccum straddling cleaner

So... This doesn't seem half as funny as it did earlier, but still...

The last time that Jenny was hunting for the cleaner she couldn't find her anywhere. As she wanted her to hoover up some smashed glass which was the handy work of her boss, when she couldn't find sight nor sound of her she knew she'd have to (reluctantly) do it herself.

Next then, the hunt was for the Hoover as the hunt for the cleaner had failed.

She eventually found the spare key to the store cupboard, unlocked the door and found the cleaner fast asleep in there. This was not an unusual occurrence as she often takes herself off for a little nap when things get a bit much. The thing that made it funny (to me atleast) was the way she was sleeping. There is no room in the cupboard you understand, it's standing room only for the Hoover, mop, bucket etc. Well, (cutting this increasingly long story short) the cleaner had assumed the position that a cat or young child may take, while riding a Hoover and being video taped by their cruel parents/owners for a hilarious 'caught on camera show'. Send in your tape and we'll give you £250 - that sort of thing. Basically, straddling the upright Hoover, legs wrapped around the bottom, arms around the top. It must have been the only way she could fit herselff in there and be able to lock the door!

Even when she was woken, she just rose gently from her sleep. Not with a start as one might imagine!

I have a camera here, for taking photos for people's security passes. If I ever catch her straddling the hoover and snoozing I'm going to get a picture! Cruel I know, but incredibly funny all the same!

(I'll post it here when i've done it - it is funny, honestly!)

Pink Champagne

I've just had a couple of glasses of pink champagne and I am now having a serious hot flush! It crept in after the first glass and now looks intent on hanging around!

Yes I am still at work, yes I am still bored - although everything seems strangely more bearable after champagne and chocolate cake!

Comical cleaner

I have just been told a number of hilarious stories about our cleaner. Honestly, she's been caught out so many times, I don't know how she continues to get away with it!

Unfortunately, I am off to lunch in a moment, so I'll have to recall the stories later!...

...Just to keep you interested though, Jenny (one of the PAs) said that she now knocks before she goes looking for anything in the store cupboard!

Ahh, makes me laugh!

Sloth in the workplace

I have my only chore of the day looming, namely, franking the post...

(Eight and a half hours after my working day began the work comes piling in...)

The really awful thing is, I can't actually be bothered to get up from my desk and walk the five metres it is to the post room to do it - even though I know that there are only about five pieces of post in there and it will only take about 30 seconds to complete. It seems like a real inconvenience.

How bad is that?!

I haven't done anything today, of course...

I'm turning into a sloth in the workplace.

Air of displeasure

I think I may have an air of displeasure about me today as three people have asked me if I'm happy in my job...

Ah well, with nothing to lose I've told them the truth!

I have that feeling about me, the one that you get when you know when you are leaving. Almost that it is all finally coming to an end. Normally it's when you hand your notice in - I think it's the sense of relief that you feel. I do know that I am not going to stay on past the six months that I originally signed for, which means that I only have to claw my way through December and January - but that's still quite a long time in the grand scheme of things, so I don't know why I keep telling everyone that I'm leaving!!

I have two more days off next week - it seems like I'm always off at the moment (not that that's a bad thing - in fact, it's a very, very good thing)! I have a horrible feeling that I won't come back after Christmas and that's while I'm feeling like it's nearly all over. A three day week and two full weeks and I'm done. I hope I do come back though, just until the end of January, because starting the year as an unemployed bum would be a pretty poor start to my 26th year on the planet!*

Oh no.

Watch out.

Take cover.

I can sense a premature mid-life crisis looming in the midst!

---------------

*Or would it me my 27th year on the planet? There is year 0 which is still a year but isn't counted as 1, so when I turn 26 i'll really be starting my 27th year... That's right isn't it? I think that makes sense.

That means i'm coming to the end of my 26th year... Oh noooooo!

No Allen..

...so no singing today.

Damn. I was really looking forward to him singing made up 'Kim' songs to me again today.

Maybe tomorrow if i'm lucky.

Only half dressed

On my walk to work this morning, suddenly, out of the blue, it dawned on me that I was only half dressed!

I had my trousers on (luckily), shoes yes, coat yes... Top? No!

I realised that I had forgotten to put my top on! Very luckily for me, I was wearing a little white vest, but I had intended to wear that under a jumper (as extra insulation), not on its own!

As a major stroke of luck, my manky wooly cardie was still hanging on the back of my chair at my desk when I got in, so I'm wearing that now. It still hasn't made it home to be washed yet though, so I'm feeling pretty foolish and pretty festy! Better than wearing a summer outfit in the middle of winter though - and slightly more appropriate for work I imagine...

Oops!

Another level

Allen has just taken it to a whole new level...

(singing) "Kim-ber-ley, ooooooooooh my sweet Kim-ber-ly" la la la

How lovely to be serenaded by such a wonderful man!

Allen's back from the US..

..And, even without keeping an official tally I can remember being called Kim 7 or 8 times today. I've responded to it just as many times, because he keeps asking me really stupid questions.

"Kim, how are you today?"

(A bit later on) "Kim, how are you this afternoon?"

"Kim, do you know Parit?"

"Kim, do I look as tired as I feel?" What?!

"Kim, I have someone coming in to see me today. Can you let me know when he arrives?"

I have responded to all of these questions, politely and with a courteous smile.

I've given up.

He says it so often I'm almost beginning to respond to it automatically. I hear 'Kim' and my ears prick up "did somebody call me?"

I know he knows that Kim is not my name. I know that for sure, because he has been hanging around outside his office a lot today and has heard people calling me Amy constantly.

They call me Amy. He watches and listens. He calls me me Kim.

I missed him while he was away...

...Hardly!

Orange Trousers

I just spilt a cup of orange juice all over my desk and into my lap. How careless. Now my legs are sticky and my desk has a weird pong... (Now I have orange covered trousers.)

I hurried around to the kitchen to get some paper towels to clean up the mess I had created and I saw two girls huddled over the fridge.

"I must stop stealing things from the fridge" the first thief said.

"I know" the other thief agreed, "but I want juice".

"Well" they continued, "it looks like it's orange juice, orange juice, or orange juice".

Two of those cartons of orange juice are mine. I bought them yesterday in an effort to boost my vitamin C levels (and it tastes nicer than water...). I have put my name on them, (not trusting anyone naturally), but it looks like that's irrelevant. If people want what they see they will take it regardless.

They earn double the amount that I do so they could easily afford their own.

And they'd probably freak if I dunked my apple in their (labeled) Philadelphia cream cheese that's in the same fridge...On the same shelf...

...Yet still they feel it's ok to take my orange juice when they get a taste for it.

I feel like eating one of their mangos. Infact, I might even have sliced mango in a bowl of their Special K breakfast cereal, or muesli, tomorrow. I may wash it down with a glass of their vodka that they keep in the freezer for special occasions.

I wouldn't do that though - because I'm not selfish.

Why didn't I say "touch mine and you die"? Or "please don't drink my juice" Or even "the juice with my name on it is mine"?... Even if they have finished off both cartons (one for each thief) it's kind of my fault because I didn't stop them - despite the fact that I had caught them in the evil act.

My day today is right up there with the really crappy ones. I actually cried earlier but that's another story...

"Stop following me"

I had to tell a man on the train on my way to work today to "stop following me" because everywhere I went he was right by my side or treading on my heals. He was a bit close on the platform, and I virtually (unwillingly) gave him a piggy-back on to the train. It was chocker block, but still he managed to stand exactly where I was standing - even though I kept moving to try to get a bit more space.

He didn't say anything, luckily, he just looked away and moved down to the middle of the carriage.

Freak.

Fire evacuation exercise

We had a fire alarm evacuation exercise this morning. I sent an email to everybody on Friday letting them know the time and date of the evacuation so that they could plan calls or meetings around it. I thought that that was a good idea as it would help them to prepare.

At 10:30 this morning the exodus began. A slow but steady trickle of people gathered their coats, hats, gloves and scarves, jumped into the lift and ‘popped out for a coffee’. By the time the actual drill happened at 11:00 the only people left on the floor were my good self and the fire wardens. Everybody else had taken the lift and avoided the wait in the freezing cold. Being on reception I couldn't really take advantage of the warm coffee shop across the road, instead I had to take the 13 flights of stairs and brave the bitter wind while I waited, on my own, to be counted.

On the way back up to the office the queues for the lifts were huge. They always are after this sort of thing. Everyone rushing to be the first back to their desks, even though they were probably the first ones to leave them also. I’m not very good in lifts at the best of times, and on occasions like these they tend to be hugely over filled and the journey to my floor takes ages because it stops at every floor to let a lone person out. Even though it's super busy, people still get in the lift to go to the first floor… Why?

Anyway, after being semi-challenged to take the stairs up, rather than the lift, I did.

And I wish I hadn’t.

Phewee, I was feeling the burn by the time I reached the top that’s for sure!

Next time – if I am still here when there’s a next time of course, I’m not going to tell anyone that there is an evacuation drill about to happen. They can brave the stairs and the cold with me. It’s only fair. In a 'real life' situation they wouldn’t have had a warning of an impending fire after all!

I don't really know why I am moaning about the fire drill, by 11:00 I was actually incredibly glad for a break from doing nothing at my desk - even if that break was almost-heart-attack-inducing stair climbing!

Psycho cleaner

Our cleaner has issues.

I just went to the kitchen to get a glass of orange juice and I found her shouting at a poor man - because his can of Tango had got stuck in the vending machine!

Once again, actually shouting!

Does him trying to dislodge the can affect her at all? No.

Does she have any right to be shouting at the man because his drink got stuck? No.

Does she need to relax and calm down a bit? Definitely.

Someone is going to shout back at her one of these days and I doubt she'll like it. I'll enjoy it though!

Horrible shouty woman.